I am not sure if it's my stretching uterus that I am feeling or the baby moving, but I felt something yesterday quite frequently and strong enough for me to let out a gasp once in a while. Today, I have been feeling something inside, although it has not been as noticeable as yesterday. I think it's the baby...!! P's been trying to see if he can feel it too, but I think he may have to wait a few more weeks. ;) My tummy is also getting tighter. I can still fit into my pants, but for the first time today, I noticed that they were feeling pretty snug. Well, except for strong odor which can bring sudden nausea, it's been really great to be feeling almost normal again!!
Recently, I've started thinking and praying a lot about my own spiritual nourishment and growth, especially as I anticipate a huge transition. I know that I will be tired, sleep deprived, and probably overwhelmed at times trying to figure out motherhood and my new life, but I want to experience God in midst of them all. I'm not sure what that will all look like, but I've been asking God to grant me that hunger to pursue after him and to experience his abundant nourishment, especially when I am dead tired. Perhaps, I will connect with God in a new way as I sing "Jesus loves me" to our baby while putting her/him to sleep, or as I read a Bible story to the child. Maybe it will mean that I check my email, facebook, and blogs less and spend that time and energy to pray and spend a quiet moment with God. I'm not sure but I've been thinking about it and asking God for his grace and wisdom to guide me.... Just like I will eventually get in to a feeding schedule and a sleep routine that works with the baby's needs and development, I am asking that God and I can develop some kind of rhythm that is both nourishing and life giving when I become a mother.
Showing posts with label spirituality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spirituality. Show all posts
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Spirituality
We had a get-together when we were back and we had a general Q&A session. One question that was asked had to do with what our spirituality has been like being over here where we are more isolated in terms of "spiritual feeding." I think that was the jist of the question...
Since that evening, I have spent some time reflecting more on this question as it is a great one. How has my spirituality been the last 22 months?
I feel like we have been void of great spiritual teachings here locally. I can understand about 75% of the sermons preached here and they hardly feed my soul. I find that they lack depth and in all seriousness, this is an area of huge need. However, I have not sought out other sermons or teachings on line. The truth is I feel like I came here having been "fed" well and having received a lot of good teachings for many years. They are stored in me. I feel like this season has been much more about digesting those things I have learned, making them more and more my own, sifting through certain theology that I might disagree with, wrestling through things that sound good but not sure how to put it in to practice practically, and realizing that there is still so much more to be learned. Outside input is important, but I don't feel dependent on it, if that makes any sense....
What I have realized through deeper reflection is that the practice of being in His Word, dialoguing with Him in prayer, obeying (as best as I am able), all of these foundations have been laid. So, as I have been away from where there is abundance of outside "feeding", I have felt well fed by God. I feel like I have grown in learning and being fed from the Word and letting God speak to me.
I remember the time when I was graduating from college and I was feeling nervous about being on my own, away from the fellowship where I fell in love with Jesus all over again. I remember the words that one of my staff worker, Alex Van Riesen said that has always stayed me. "Jesus will be your discipler wherever you are. He will disciple you." I have found these simple words to be true. Jesus has been my discipler since from the very beginning. As long as I have remained in the vine, I have been finding life, of course with much pruning.
So, while the "outside" input may have been lacking (although I get plenty on my 'character issues from my gracious husband), I have not felt depleted of the spiritual nourishment. It has been the opposite for me. I have experienced some of the most intimate moments with Jesus during these 22 months, many through hard times and failures, and sometimes in midst of wondering if I'll make it through, but as long as I remained in Him, I lived.
So, what have I learned about spirituality? "Remain, stay, abide, stay connected to the vine. It is me who must stay connected. I have learned that whether the sermons are good or bad, I can stay connected to Jesus, for He has given me the means to stay connected through His word, prayer, obedience, and the Holy Spirit, my teacher (discipler). What that looks like has been different at various points and stages, but the goal isn't perfecting the "form" of spirituality, but actually connecting and staying connected to the source of life....I can confidently say I love Jesus more than 22 months ago. Why? Because I know Him more deeply than 22 months ago. And, when I know Him, I can't help but to love Him more.
Since that evening, I have spent some time reflecting more on this question as it is a great one. How has my spirituality been the last 22 months?
I feel like we have been void of great spiritual teachings here locally. I can understand about 75% of the sermons preached here and they hardly feed my soul. I find that they lack depth and in all seriousness, this is an area of huge need. However, I have not sought out other sermons or teachings on line. The truth is I feel like I came here having been "fed" well and having received a lot of good teachings for many years. They are stored in me. I feel like this season has been much more about digesting those things I have learned, making them more and more my own, sifting through certain theology that I might disagree with, wrestling through things that sound good but not sure how to put it in to practice practically, and realizing that there is still so much more to be learned. Outside input is important, but I don't feel dependent on it, if that makes any sense....
What I have realized through deeper reflection is that the practice of being in His Word, dialoguing with Him in prayer, obeying (as best as I am able), all of these foundations have been laid. So, as I have been away from where there is abundance of outside "feeding", I have felt well fed by God. I feel like I have grown in learning and being fed from the Word and letting God speak to me.
I remember the time when I was graduating from college and I was feeling nervous about being on my own, away from the fellowship where I fell in love with Jesus all over again. I remember the words that one of my staff worker, Alex Van Riesen said that has always stayed me. "Jesus will be your discipler wherever you are. He will disciple you." I have found these simple words to be true. Jesus has been my discipler since from the very beginning. As long as I have remained in the vine, I have been finding life, of course with much pruning.
So, while the "outside" input may have been lacking (although I get plenty on my 'character issues from my gracious husband), I have not felt depleted of the spiritual nourishment. It has been the opposite for me. I have experienced some of the most intimate moments with Jesus during these 22 months, many through hard times and failures, and sometimes in midst of wondering if I'll make it through, but as long as I remained in Him, I lived.
So, what have I learned about spirituality? "Remain, stay, abide, stay connected to the vine. It is me who must stay connected. I have learned that whether the sermons are good or bad, I can stay connected to Jesus, for He has given me the means to stay connected through His word, prayer, obedience, and the Holy Spirit, my teacher (discipler). What that looks like has been different at various points and stages, but the goal isn't perfecting the "form" of spirituality, but actually connecting and staying connected to the source of life....I can confidently say I love Jesus more than 22 months ago. Why? Because I know Him more deeply than 22 months ago. And, when I know Him, I can't help but to love Him more.
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