Come See Our Kids

We have four kids! Okay, we know that the likelihood of giving birth to all four is almost zero. But, we transferred four growing embryos from the petri dish into Rebecca. We are praying for the life of each one, though we understand that it is a natural process that probably some (or none) will implant, and some will not. This has all been made a little more tangible for us because we got to see our kids with the microscope. We wanted to share this with you.

You can only see three of the four (I didn't get the camera rolling fast enough). At this point in time two of our kids were two cells, and two were four (now, five days later, they should be over 100 cells!).

Thanks for praying with us in this process.

For those of you who want to see the earliest moments (we hope this isn't TMI) here's the actual fertilization.

Final IVF Update

Good news! It was amazing to see life in its earliest forms. Out of five fertilized eggs that became single cells, four had divided. Two had divided into two cells and the other two divided into four cells. The doctor said that they did much better than he had expected and that the two four celled ones were like what you'd see in a text-book. By the surgery time, one of the two cells had already multiplied into three cells. I had all four embryos transferred into my uterus!

Now, the next hurdle is for the cell(s) to continue dividing and eventually implant. They are still quite fragile. On July 4, we will get a blood test to confirm pregnancy. It's just incredible to think that there are four possibly growing inside me. We know that there is always the possibility that none may make it, or all four will make it! But, we rejoice in the fact that currently there is life growing inside, eventhoug there are still hurdles to pass. We're praying that all four will make it, if God wills. We want them all to live. We ask that you continue to pray for the little ones inside me. We are grateful that our God is the giver of life and that our lives are in His hands. We will share more as we find out. Keep your ears tuned.

IVF Update 4.5 -- Single cells

I am feeling great today. Yesterday I had 5 eggs extracted, but I didn't feel a thing as I was under anesthesia. I remember telling the doc that I felt a little nervous, answering a few questions about any allergies I have, getting a shot in my arm, and thinking wow, the ceiling is spinning, and then I woke up semi-conscious in a room with Paul laughing because I had asked some funny questions.

I tried to go and watch the eggs being fertilized, but I felt so dizzy and nauseous when I stood up I had to lie back down. Paul watched and recorded the whole thing with the camera. When I get home, maybe I'll try to post it with YouTube. I have no pain at all. I've been impressed with how competent the doctors are here. God also has been very gracious through this whole process.

We learned just a few minutes ago that all eggs have successfully fertilized! I didn't expect all five to be fertilized, so this is definitely good news. They are in single cell stage and the cells need to start dividing. We are encouraged by the news. It's so weird to think that we have 5 little ones growing in Petri dishes fighting for life! We named them Stacy, Gayle, Sam, Jaime, and Alex (androgynous names :)) and praying that all would live, if God willing. But, we're also aware that none may live. It is in God's hands and we're praying that we would be thankful no matter what the result is. Thank you for praying with us.

IVF Update 4

This is a "live from the clinic" update here. Rebecca just had 5 eggs extracted, and is now sleeping off the anesthesia. In a few minutes I get to watch the eggs being fertilized! The process has been smooth so far, but we still have some significant hurdles to cross: first the eggs must successfully fertilize, and then the cells must divide before they are transferred back to Rebecca. On Wednesday we will know how many viable embryos we have to transfer. The doctor said that our eggs are of "not great" quality, which means our chances of producing "good" quality embryos is less. You can pray that the fertilization and first few days of life for our potential (very soon to be real) children would be successful so that they can implant and make it through the first trimester (the next two big hurdles).

IVF Update 3

Yesterday, I got another ultrasound. The doc thinks that the four eggs are growing nicely in my right ovary. He's hoping that the two in my left would grow in the next couple of days. I am no longer on drugs. I can tell my hormone is changing because I've been feeling nauseated and just not 100% today. Tomorrow morning at 4:30am, I am supposed to take HCG which is to trigger ovulation and I go in on Monday for retrival and fertilization. Monday, we will know more the condition of my eggs. We are prayerfully hopeful.

Mumbai is definitely in the pre-monsoon phase as we've had rain everyday, although not very heavy. It has cooled down a bit and sometimes you can feel the cool sea breeze. I was telling Paul how the weather has been quite pleasant the last couple of days, and he reminded me how my standards have changed. :) Oh, one thing I have really enjoyed doing is sitting in a coffee shop, sipping a cool drink while enjoying a good novel. I remember thinking a month ago, how much I missed being able to go to Starbucks or a bookstore just to sit, browse, or to read. No plush couches in this particular coffee shop, but there are enough foreigners around to make me feel like I'm back in the States. :) Anyway, I will definitely have to write more about Mumbai (at least about the area of Colaba) when I get back home. It's a great metropolitan city, with a flair of Europe (reminds us of Paris at different places) and some resemblance of San Francisco.

IVF Update 2

Today, we visited our clinic, met our doctors, and had the first ultrasound since taking the meds. Paul asked Dr. Malpani, "What is it that we're hoping to see from the ultrasound?" His response was "growing eggs, and if possible, at least eight." I have four eggs that are growing (and probably will mature) in my right ovary, but the two eggs in my left ovary probably will not mature. On Friday, I will be going in again for another ultrasound. He said that the extraction will most likely happen on Monday.

It would have been nice to hear that we had 4 eggs growing in both ovaries, but I am content with four on my right. I am praying that the 2 eggs on the left will also mature in the next couple of days. Please pray that the eggs would continue to grow and mature. He said Monday, or whenever we extract, we will know more how healthy and viable my eggs are. Let's continue to pray. I feel so young...would have never guessed my eggs are old! :)

On a different note, we have eaten at McDonald's for lunch almost everyday except for yesterday! (But, we're getting sick of it.) :) No hambugergers are available, but we've had McChicken and FishOFillet. We don't have to worry about breakfast and dinner as they are included in the total cost of our stay at the YWCA. The YWCA is really a great deal for its location, AC room, and meals!

Thanks for all your prayers and love!

IVF Update 1

My ultrasound scan showed that I have a small ovarian cyst (21mm), but it's below 30mm so I'm okay. I can now begin taking the other injection for superovulation. The hope is that I will produce lots of good eggs for retrieval and fertilization.

Over the phone, my specialist shared with me very frankly but nicely that I have two strikes going against me, as far as he can tell. 1) My age 2) low antral follicle count--it's a good indicator of how many eggs might be available. My right ovary showed no evidence of antral folllicle. He's afraid that I may not be able to produce lots of good eggs. (Basically every woman is born with a certain number of eggs and as you age they become depleted. In my situation, although I'm 34, my ovarian reserve appears to be older.) He said next Tues. when we are in Mumbai for our next ultrasound, it will be the moment of truth. There is a possibility that we may have to cancel the treatment. (For those of you who are interested in reading more you can go to this link: http://www.drmalpani.com/oopause.htm

Please pray that the meds will help me to produce lots of good eggs. I've been given a very high dosage for this purpose. In terms of how I'm doing, I'm okay. The local hospital visit was more exhausting than anticipated (and I'm not sure how accurate the ultrasound scan was...the doctor didn't seem very confident). Other than that, I've decided that I'm not going to worry about it, as worrying about it won't change my situation. Let's pray in faith for God's healing. Children are a gift from God, whether it is done in a petris dish or naturally. :)

Perspective...

Today, I feel really grateful to be India. Why? Living here gives me perspective and challenges my heart to accept difficulties with more grace, humor, patience, and faith.

So, as I start my injections for IVF today, I begin with a perspective that only a few kilometers away, there are babies and children suffering from malnourishment and heart problems, men and women begging for food, and people toiling to earn a few rupees to live. I get to choose my clinic, while others must accept what is given. I begin the treatment with the perspective and understanding of how privileged I am. I think I might be just starting to grasp Scott Peck's words....

"Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult--once we truly understand and accept it--then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters."

Why IVF?

In 2001, after finishing graduate school, we decided that we should take three weeks to see Europe. We did just that and it was really fun and memorable. (We were so young then...:) I still want to go back to Rome so that we can visit the catacombs. Like many couples, it was supposed to be our sort of last "fling" before starting a family. I never once considered that I wouldn't be able to conceive. Since summer of 2001, we've had plenty of other trips to many different places of the world. I also attended many baby showers (there was a quick shift from bridal to baby) and got to hold many newborns. While my friends adjusted to a completely different life, I enjoyed the freedom that came with not having kids. But, I also struggled with deep feelings of disappointment, anger, pain, depression, and resentment toward God as we struggled to get pregnant and had unsuccessful attempts at infertility treatment (IUI).

But, as God is, He has been faithful, merciful, and good. He used the story of the centurion in Matthew 8:5-13 to reveal to me my skewed theology. To summarize it in the simplest way I can think of, the centurion understood what "authority" meant. This revelation helped me to turn a corner, and begin the process of surrendering and accepting.

There was a period where it felt right to put aside our desire for starting a family and actively be involved in other things God was inviting us into. We experienced a lot of joy doing that.

Before coming to India, we told ourselves that we would give ourselves six months to adjust before opening up the discussion of treatment or adoption. We spent some time in Jan. to pray about adoption, but we didn't feel like God was leading us toward adoption then. Meanwhile, after doing some research, we realized that adoption, normally a complicated process, is even more so while living in India. So, we laid it aside and continued to pray.

About 2 months ago, I read an article in Newsweek about an infertility clinic in India that has an international reputation. Out of curiosity, I sent the doctor an email and shared with him our situation. It led to a few more email exchanges. While living in the States, we had leaned away from IVF because of the cost. But, we didn't feel ready to pursue adoption and the timing didn't feel right as we were preparing to move to here. As we explored the possiblity of IVF treatment here, we found that it is much more affordable (so much so that lots of foreigners have been coming for treatment).

We don't know whether this procedure will be successful, but we are going in with open hands and open hearts, trusting in Jesus' faithfulness, mercy, and goodness. Please pray for us.

If you're curious about how we're doing in the process, you can check the blog for any updates.

The Value of One Life

Whenever I am free from my responsibilities with the organization I'm working for, I try to visit the slum community. I find that I smile more (perhaps because there are so many little kids running around) and that even while drenched in sweat it feels worth my time and effort to get out there. Recently, I've been visiting a Bengali family quite often. Cindy and I have been trying to help a severly malnourished baby girl, Khusi (means Happy). She's 5 months old, but weighs currently a little over 7 lbs. Since her mother left the home (we can't get the full story) no one has been properly taking care of her. Although her uncles and aunts are there, they were not feeding her regularly even after receiving bottles, formula, and some training. So, we've been going regularly to check up on her, to make sure that she's being fed.

Today, I visited her alone as Cindy was busy. She looked better. She smiled as I held her and the twinkle in her eyes were bright. I could tell that the family was looking after her more. They had assured me that they had fed her (she wasn't crying out of hunger), that she took her med, and that they have been cleaning the pacifier in boiled water after it falls to the floor. I brought a piece of yarn and a safety pin to show them how they can keep the pacifier from falling. They all smiled and laughed when I showed it to them. Since I can't speak Bangla, I just spoke in Nepali and used lots of facial expressions. They laughed at me a lot, but laughter is good. My prayer is that she will grow up to be a healthy girl who knows how much God values her. How valuable one life is....

Afterwards, I visited Jyoti, the Nepali mother-to-be. She was sitting in her house tutoring 3 neighborhood kids. I sat with them, helped them with their English homework a little, and later practiced reading the B'ble with her in Nepali. I can tell that she's proud to be teaching me.