Adjustment continues

I must admit that it has been more difficult to keep up with this blog. Partly, when you have deeper things you're thinking about, it takes more time to write them out. So, the default has been to just not blog because I have other things to do. I am finding that I don't have a lot of free time available (or they are more precious requiring prioritization) after becoming a mom. But, tonight, I thought I'd try to give a quick (yeah right!) synopsis of what has been happening over on this side of the world.

CAR: We bought one!! It's a 2002 Bolero in good condition, we think. (No photo yet.) After we bought it, we realized that seat belts were missing in the back seats. We just didn't bother to check for them because it is a given in the U.S. And, I am so used to not wearing my seat belts here that even though I rode around a couple of times before the purchase, I just did not notice. It only dawned on me when I was starting to think about how we were going to install a car seat. But, for now, P figured out a way to install the car seat (which our friend here gave us) with his rock climbing gears until our order for the seat belts get delivered.

Meanwhile, I have been getting my driving lessons. First, I learned that my feet barely touch the peddles. But, the clutch is easier to handle and seem to do okay without my foot having to completely floor it. It's a challenge learning to share narrow roads with so many other things besides cars, especially with a larger vehicle. During one of our lessons, P had me take a side road, which ended up being closed and I had to make a U-turn in this small narrow road... It took so long that finally an Indian man got off his motorbike, came over to my side, and asked if he could move it for me. P took over at that time. It was slightly embarrassing, but what am I to do? I have to learn to do it, whether people get mad, impatient, or not.

The paperwork is still in process....hopefully, it will be complete soon.

HOUSING: We are completely moved in. Things are pretty organized now, with the exception of a few straggly things. P did most of the work involved in moving, for which I am grateful. It took a month and a couple of weeks of people constantly coming in and out to fix, measure, drill, install, etc. but we are now feeling settled in. The only issue that we have yet to figure out is why the shower water pressure is not working properly and we can't get hot water from the hot water heater.... We are thankful for our new place and it is starting to feel more like home. I will post pictures later.

WORK: P has been working with the office staff here and there, but a lot of his time has gone to making lots of errand runs, managing the workers, and getting the apartment ready. It is amazing how much time it takes to get a few things done...although he is glad that we are finally settled in, he shared with me today that if he had known how much work and time it was going to take to move, he may not have done it. But, in the long run, it is a much better location as it is close to the office and easier access for people. I, on the other hand, have been spending my time at home taking care of Elijah. It's been a huge transition for me, which I will get to below.

We're starting language study on Wed. We will see how it goes as P and I juggle taking care of Elijah. I'm eager to get started.

MOTHERHOOD: I love being a mom. But, I have not loved being "stay at home mom," for the time being. For the most part, I am inside the four walls of my home, not necessarily by choice. It is hard to go out when it is hot, humid, and/or raining hard. Whenever I see that it is cool enough, Elijah and I would get on the bicycle rickshaw and go to the market to buy some vegetables or fruit. I have been going to the Korean moms group, which has become a "necessity" for my sanity. Coming from a place where there were lots and lots of options/choices about where to go, what to do, who to see, etc. it has been a big transition to feel "stuck" at home. To make matters worse, P locked me in inside the apartment a couple of times accidentally. I am laughing about it now, but when it happened a couple of times, I was not a happy camper because I was getting ready to leave and learned that I couldn't! I know for sure that I am one of those moms who need to go out. So, I have at times struggled with feelings of isolation.

It was really good to talk with one of my good friends from college who understood where I was coming from. She put it clearly. To paraphrase it, "It's not that you don't love being a mom. It's that you don't see your vocation as being a mom only." So, as she pointed out, I feel like I am kind of going through some kind of an identity crisis. I think it will take a bit of time to sort through this change, but it is something that I am praying and dialoguing with God about. Meanwhile, it has been really wonderful to have a husband who understands. It meant so much for me to hear him say, "Honey, you're doing a wonderful job. If I were in your shoes, I think I would be going crazy too." It helps because I sometimes wonder if I should not be going crazy and that if I were a better mom, I'd be enjoying it more! Perhaps, some moms might. But, I am learning that being a "stay at home mom," here is not very life giving at the moment and that I don't enjoy every moment of it, and that it is okay.

Okay, now, I am too tired to continue. It is way too long anyway....oh well...it's the result of not blogging along the way. A cool shower is calling my name. Until next time...

How much longer?

We're moved in but I don't feel completely settled in yet. It has taken us over a month to get this apartment ready and in condition to be moved in. We're in, but I am still waiting for the kitchen cabinet to be delivered and installed. We were told over two weeks ago that it would be delivered in 3-4 days....with the monsoon, they have been waiting for a really nice sunny day to put the last touch of varnish and today, we had that sunny day... I had P call today to find out if it will be ready for delivery soon and we were told that it will come tomorrow. I hope so because I am ready to organize, figure out where everything is, and have it be more than just "functional." We had the last touch up paint done today and we have started to unpack our books and put them on the bookshelf. Because this flat is quite smaller than our old one, clutter makes it even smaller. I am hoping that by end of this week, our place is not just "livable," but a place where it feels like home sweet home.