A Day in the Life

Our community back in the States is having a M conference and asked all their field workers to video tape their child(ren) and a typical day so that kids back home can have a sense for what a field worker's kid's life is like. Some of the questions were: 1) What are some things that the children had to give up? 2) What are some perks of being in a field worker's family? 3) What is a typical day like. So, I've been thinking about how to video tape Elijah's life as an eight month old MK in this fascinating country. But, moreover, I have been thinking about how I might answer these questions on behalf of Elijah since he can't share his thoughts...

1) What are some things that he had to give up? Well, his parents are probably more aware of this than he is! He seems really content and doesn't seem to notice what he had to give up that much. I would say that one of the biggest things is not being in close proximity to his extended family. He is changing and growing so quickly. When I consider that he will get to see his cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents once every two years or so, it makes me sad. Hopefully, there will be visits so that the gap in between is not too long.

Some other things he had to give up are nice parks, AC everywhere, a big bath tub (I'm thinking of what I can videotape), your choices of fruits and vegetables all year long, kiddie classes... but, of course this comes from my perspective. It is interesting to think that as he grows up here, he won't really know what he had to give up because it will be a very normal part of his life to not have these things readily available...

I do wonder if one of things that he might struggle with a little as he gets older is being "stared at" all the time because he stands out because he is so fair skinned. Already he is a people magnet, which has its perks and down sides.

What are some perks of being part of a field worker's family? I think he has lots of perks. He gets to be around multiple languages and many different types of people. He is exposed to both the city and village life, wealth and poverty, English and many different local languages, gets to live at the base of the Himalayas, gets to travel with mom and dad and be part of their work, will understand what vegetables and fruits are in season, gets to be in an international community with other ex-pats, etc. I assume an eight month old is probably thrilled that he gets to see a gecko inside his home, see cows roaming on the street, see goats, pigs, etc. I don't know whether he will think it is cool or gross seeing chicken and other animals slaughtered for consumption... but, I think it will definitely allow for us to have some interesting conversations. I think he would say it is a perk that he gets to be held and adored by so many different people.

What is a typical day like? For an eight month old, a typical day is pretty much, eat, play, and sleep. He usually goes on a morning walk with dad. His dad likes to explore different routes, so they take different routes to the river, walk through different neighborhoods, see a line of people enjoying the morning breeze and doing their "business" by the riverside, and get into several conversations with some slum dwellers. Besides the morning walk, he spends most of his days with his mom inside the apartment. Sometimes, we take bicycle rickshaw rides to the market, maybe go visit a friend, or stop by dad's office. Today, he spent most of his day playing with our house help and our neighbors because dad and mom were sick and pretty much not very functional.

As a mom, I do miss some of the "perks" that life in the States have to offer. But, when I consider the long term and the bigger picture of life and the journey of faith, the "perks" that are offered here far exceeds the cost. There are different set of challenges but I consider Elijah and us very lucky that we get to live out our calling as a family wherever it might take us.

Here are a couple of my favorite photos of Elijah from a field visit two weeks ago:He smacked that chicken right on its head with no sense of fear!

Field Visit

We had a great time on our first field visit as a family of three. There were many highlights and you can view them on our picassa photo album. (I can't get it to be a link, so you can copy and paste this onto the browser.)

http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/sredir?uname=grafs99&target=ALBUM&id=5381257920253306305 authkey=Gv1sRgCODYitbGu6r2LQ&feat=email

For me, one of the ways it was most beneficial was being immersed in the Nepali language for two days. With language learning, I am an auditory learner, and it was just so helpful just to hear it being spoken. We hope we can do a week long visit.

Huh?

What is the meaning of this? We saw this while I was in pathology for a blood test. :)

Passed by a Wheelchair

The more I drive in India, the more it makes sense. When I first came, I was baffled and sometimes terrified by all the swerving and passing. People cross into the oncoming traffic to avoid potholes, pedestrians, cows, or sometimes just because they feel more comfortable in the middle of the road. They head into the oncoming traffic, forcing it to slow down so they have time to get back around whatever it was they were trying to avoid. This sometimes turns into a game of chicken and I’ve come to a complete stop in my lane a few times to avoid an oncoming bus who didn’t leave enough room to get back into its own lane without pushing me off the road.

But as I have driven more here, it is starting to make more sense. In America we don’t have 50 yards of potholes that would turn your axle into spaghetti if you hit it at 35 mph. There aren’t cows in the road, and bikes and pedestrians have their own lanes. Here, pedestrians, bicycles, rickshaws, motorcycles, various types of cars (some of which can’t go very fast), trucks, and buses all share the same two lanes. If you have a rickshaw in front of you, it would be very inefficient to wait for the opposite lane to be totally clear before you pass. So you judge whether the oncoming traffic can move over and three of you can pass at once. If that’s not true, then you judge how much the oncoming traffic will have to slow down to avoid contact. It is not considered rude to force people to slow down to half their speed – but not too quickly so everyone maintains reasonable cushion – which is generally about three inches.

I’ve become accustomed to the first above – moving over and turning it into a three lane street with the two smaller vehicles. I’ve only tried the second when the oncoming traffic is significantly smaller than our jeep. I must confess that I once brought the oncoming three-wheel autos to a halt. I was trying to pass a very slow truck on a busy road. I waited for an open gap and pulled out judging that the oncoming three wheelers would only have to slow a little - and that they would be very motivated to since I’m much bigger. Remember that this is not considered rude. I pull out and accelerated, but half way around the truck I spotted an oncoming pothole big enough to swallow a Volkswagen. I slowed quickly, and now there was no way I was getting around the truck. The truck was so slow that while I waited for it to pass the oncoming three-wheelers pulled up right in front of me and stopped. I stopped too. I was embarrassed. When it passed I cranked the wheel hard to the left and slunk back into my lane behind the very slow truck. But the men in the three wheelers didn’t honk, make that hand gesture that means “what do you think you’re doing,” give me dirty looks, or even “you’re stupid” looks. It was a natural mistake, and probably one they’ve made.

I get passed a lot myself. I drive much more slowly than most commercial drivers. I’ve learned to slow, pull over, and wave people through. They frequently come up right behind you and honk. This isn’t considered rude, it’s polite communication. There’s even a thank-you honk for when people make space for you to pass. It’s polite to honk at pedestrians to let them know you’re coming closer than they’d like so they can move. Passing is a way of life and it’s much safer if there is better communication.

The other day, I even got passed by a wheelchair. In the movie, The Office, there is a scene making fun of a commute traffic where the main character is passed by a geriatric with a walker. Well in that scene the old woman had a clear sidewalk and no other vehicles to deal with. My wheelchair friend was fighting the same traffic I was! While weaving my way across town to pick up Rebecca from a meeting and I spotted a wheelchair bicycle in my rear view mirror. These are common in Siliguri – a three-wheeled bicycle rigged so you can steer with one hand and turn the pedal crank with the other. I have to confess I eased over in my lane so he couldn’t come up on my right. If he did I’d have trouble getting around the jam that was ahead of me. As I waited for cars to funnel through the narrow opening ahead, the wheelchair, navigating the rickshaws and motorcycles that were moving past the stuck cars, zipped by me and was at his destination before I got to the jam.

The car is slower than the scooter, but it is nice to be out of the sun and rain and it is the best way to get Elijah around. He doesn’t mind being passed by wheelchairs or sharing the road with cows.

Paul

Encouragement...

It's been difficult at times trying to figure out what ministry might look like for me... Am I supposed to be satisfied with being a wife and a mom and see that as my main ministry and I'm just fighting it? I've been wrestling with questions like this. I have been praying and asking God for insight and understanding into some of my internal wrestling over my calling, particularly in this life stage. I am still wrestling, praying, and asking God for His insight. Nevertheless, I had a few encouraging conversations with women who are older and have walked this road before me. This felt like it was in some ways answers to my prayers.

I spoke and emailed with three different women who are moms and currently involved in ministry. As I talked with them, the resounding theme was, "You can do both." One of them pulled back in many ways from her ministry roles once she became a mother (and that is what she felt like God was leading her to do), but she was encouraging me to consider other "paths." I think it was encouraging for me to hear her say that she feels like I could probably do both. The other two women, who are regional directors of a m'ssion organization encouraged me to do both. One of the ways in which they were able to handle motherhood and ministry was by taking their child(ren) with them wherever they went. One of them shared how she would have meetings and the kid would play on the floor while she led. Her explanation was that if you can't do that, then mothers will not be able to lead. She continued to explain that she specifically chose home-schooling for that reason, so that she can do the work that God has called her. (I really appreciated her because she's a Korean woman serving as a regional leader with her Nepali husband.) She shared that we cannot neglect the needs of our child(ren), and it is a balancing act, but neither do we need to neglect the call of God. Another woman encouraged me by reminding me that kids are adaptable and that their love for Jesus will develop and grow as they see their mom loving Jesus and serving people.

I have no idea how everything will look for me, but I was deeply encouraged. God knew what I needed and provided these conversations in a span of only a few days. It has helped Paul and I to engage more in conversation about how we might be able to partner better and what "job sharing," might look like for me once Elijah is a little older. Meanwhile, I am going to continue praying and seek Him for His guidance and direction.

Why am I having such a hard time meeting moms?

I asked this question to our language tutor. She's a single mom who had a baby soon after completing class twelve and is now attending college. Her son is now three years old so he is being looked after by her extended family while she goes to school. So, I shared with her some of my frustrations about how hard it has been for me to meet moms here. There are plenty of them, but where are they? Is there a place where they congregate? Do people get together with their kids? She helped me understand Indian culture and it explained a little bit why it has been so difficult to meet moms.

I remember one of my Nepali teachers in Nepal sharing how single women have more freedom than married women. She explained that once a woman gets married, she no longer is her "own person," but she belongs to her husband and his family. I had forgotten about this reality until our tutor explained again why it is not easy for mothers to get out of the house. First of all, in most cases, they live with their in-laws. She is not only responsible for the welfare of her nuclear family, but she needs to take care of her in-laws. They are busy with housework all day. Moreover, it is odd for a woman to go out of the house for fun. Secondly, if a woman is not in the house, she is working outside of the home full-time. In this case, the mother-in-law usually watches the child(ren) while she works. If there is no one from the extended family who can watch their kid(s), they hire a live in nanny to take care of their child(ren). She leaves around 9 am and doesn't come home until 6 pm or so. Women who might be interested in getting out of the house more to meet with other moms are busy working.

I am in a kind of a unique situation. I don't have to take care of my in-laws and I don't have extended family close by. I don't want to hire a live in nanny. When I asked an acquaintance who is working full time about how hard it is to hire a babysitter, she seemed to think it would be difficult. She shared with me that her in-laws sent a live-in nanny for her whom they personally know and trust so that she could work.

I don't know what the solution is for me, but I am wondering whether I need to just let go of the idea of connecting with moms and focus on singles or couples without kids to get my friendship needs met. I like singles and they have more flexibility. I wonder if my expectation is unrealistic for my context and I should let it go. As I am writing, I'm wondering, "Why do I need to be around moms all the time?" It's certainly an American expectation. Or, should I pray for Jesus to open opportunities and work harder to make some contacts? Will it be more fruitful to focus on people in this same life stage, or will it be better to pursue people with more time and flexibility?

This is just one example of the decisions we face trying to integrate with the culture here. There are many unknowns for us, and we are constantly learning new things that work differently here.

Photos of our flat

Here are some photos of our new flat. I am kind of proud of how different this place looks after we moved in! ;) The landlord came yesterday to collect the rent and it appeared as though he was surprisingly pleased with how it looked by his comments. It's cozy but we like it.