The End of 2008

Today, on Dec. 31st, I remember my friend Midi and her son, Nathan who were tragically lost in a car accident on New Year's Day 2008. I thank God for the ways that God has sustained her surviving husband and son. In midst of all the holiday celebration and preparation for baby Elijah's arrival, I can tell that my mind is also processing and trying to prepare myself for this tragic anniversary through dreams. I can still recollect vividly where I was and at what time I heard the news, and in some ways, it feels surreal that it has been almost a year.

Year 2008 has been a particularly hard year for many people with whom we are close. It has been a year where suffering through losses, especially death have particularly affected our friends' lives (and directly or indirectly affecting us). I end year 2008 ever more aware of God's mysterious ways and His sovereignty and acutely aware of my frailty and humanness. I thank Him that He is God and we are His children, that He is the Creator and we are creatures who He created in His image and for His glory. I don't know what year 2009 holds for all of us (in reality what tomorrow holds), but I am grateful that God gave us today and that He can be trusted today and tomorrow. I thank God that death does not hold the last word for those of us who are in Jesus and that He is the giver of life.

Where did the time go?

I can't believe it! P has been back for a month already. The last month has gone by so quickly. Multiple visits with family and friends over the holidays have definitely made time fly by....

I can't believe that next Thursday is my due date! We will see whether baby Elijah comes on time, early, or late, but I can't believe we are almost there.... Someone at Trader Joe's said to me, "Well, this will be your last quiet holiday for you! Enjoy it!" Wow!!! It is unbelievable and feels somewhat surreal for me still... I have been having some contractions but they don't seem to last, so who knows when Elijah will show up. He's moving around a lot and I can't wait to see what his little personality will be like.

On Christmas morning, P and I went in to labor and delivery at Glendale Adventist to get our second non-stress test for the week. We asked if there were any Christmas babies and there were two. But, on Dec. 23, they had 20 deliveries!! Crazy! I hope Elijah comes when it is not so busy in the hospital so that he could (and I could) get all the help we might need. I plan on asking the nurses about everything from nursing to whatever that comes up in my mind.

I have been wondering at times, if for whatever reason the doctor decides we need to be induced, whether it is better to be induced with the possibility that I might end up with a c-section still, or whether it would be better to just go straight for the c-section.... Any thoughts? In my mind, the worst case scenario would be to be induced, go through a long labor, and then end up having to do a c-section anyway.... I don't want that scenario to become a reality for me, but I guess it is always a possibility. I just have to remember that it is not the most ideal situation, but many people have been through it and have come through it fine.

Slightly Underweight...

I went in for my weekly twice a week nonstress test with my peri and today he did an ultrasound to check baby Elijah's growth rate and to make sure that the amniotic fluid was at a good level. The nonstress tests have been coming out fine, which is great! However, he shared that Elijah is slightly under 10th percentile in terms of fetal measurement (Small for Gestational Age), but that overall, everything else looks fine. It is common with Single Umbilical Artery. He has not been growing as much or as quickly as they had expected. But, he seemed reassured that my placenta seems to be functioning normally. I'll get another ultrasound done next week to make sure that Elijah is doing well. He also shared that my ob/gyn might decide it would be better to deliver the baby sooner than later. After my peri visit, I spoke with my ob/gyn and she said that because the doppler result came out fine, it would be better to wait and see what the result is from next Monday's ultrasound. She said that I will be monitored carefully so to not worry. So, I will be going in on Christmas day to labor and delivery to get my second nonstress test for the week because they want to make sure he is being monitored regularly. I am thankful to be in good hands and to have close monitoring.

Week 37 Photo

Paul and I took this photo at a friend's wedding today.

Things I never did but I do now that I'm pregnant...

• Snore! Yes, it's kind of embarrasing to admit it, but it is true. When Paul shared with me that I've been snoring at night, I didn't believe him. Then, I woke myself up a couple of times with my loud snores. I was even startled by it!! It happened even this afternoon while I was taking a nap... I never snored...okay, maybe not never, but I never consistently snored, but I do now that I am pregnant. Why? I don't know...I haven't googled to figure it out...
  
• Crave sweets: For those of you who know me well, I always have said that if I have room for dessert, I would prefer to eat another meal. Well, that logic has been replaced by the urge to eat chocolate, ice-cream, Starbucks coffee (crazy!), and brownies. My husband is a happy camper.
• Avoid Korean food, especially kimchee: Each time I go into Hankook Market in Glendale, I literally feel sick and I try to get out of there as fast a possible...I cannot touch, smell, or eat kimchee. The pungent smell is too unbearable! I know it is hard to believe, but it can happen to the best of Koreans who once were loyal to all that Korean food had to offer. I feel like my smell, taste buds, and digestive system have been taken over by an alien.
• I prefer bread over rice, cheese over kimchee, and chicken noodle soup over ramen. I have been replaced by some other being...
  
• Sleep on my left side with a body pillow: I like to sleep on my right side or on my back, but I have been trained to sleep on my left side.... it is not that bad anymore, but it took a while to get used to!
• Get up in the middle of the night to get a snack--usually string cheese!
• Have a glass of water next to bed for a drink throughout the night

We will see whether these new habits continue even after the birth or they stop for good! ;)

Trying to Prepare for Elijah's Arrival

It has been great to be back together with P. He has been wonderful in taking care of me, from cooking to cleaning to keeping me company. He also finished the book on marriage that I had read and wanted him to read in an effort to help us prepare for the biggest transition together and we had some time to discuss it. More than anything, being together allows us to be in partnership and more often than not, we enjoy partnering together. It will be interesting to see how well we partner in this new adventure, but we both feel deeply commited to each other, our marriage, and working hard to partner well. In our desire to prepare for labor and delivery, we watched a Lamaze video which had some helpful information, like a segment of the actual birthing of a baby! But, P also felt like it was kind of counter-intuitive as so much of the method is focused on keeping yourself distracted by practicing the breathing techniques so that you don't focus on the pain. I'm not sure how one can remember all the breathing methods when you are in so much pain! So we went to the library to see if we could find some information on the Bradley Method. We have only vaguely heard about it. Although we found a book written by Dr. Bradley himself, as we read further, P and I both felt that it was poorly written and his arguments not very convincing. I didn't feel like he had a strong argument for why natural childbirth is better. At this point, I do not feel as though I have a strong opinion about doing natural birth or medicated birth (epidural), and I'm not sure I am necessarily interested in forming a strong opinion on one or the other. What I want to do is to try to go as long as I can through the first stage of labor at home with P's help before going into the hospital. We will see whether that happens, but P is really motivated to partner in the labor process so that we can do that. We found a book that we felt was more practical with helpful tips about how to help me to relax while in labor called Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way. The focus is not about distracting oneself, but figuring out ways to relax so that I can be fully engaged. I have no idea how we will do when the time comes, but I think we are going to learn how to work together so that I can relax!

I can't believe I am almost at full term! Two more days until I reach week 37. I have been feeling great. I don't know whether I am experiencing what is often referred to as the "nesting instinct" where you get a burst of energy and feel like you can do a lot, but I feel less tired and more energetic than the beginning of the third trimester. I have been going in to see my perinatologist twice a week starting two weeks ago for fetal non-stress test just to make sure everything is okay. It was confirmed that I have "single umbilical artery" so I think they're just being cautious. I don't mind the extra monitoring.

I am hoping that baby Elijah arrives by the due date, but we will have to wait and see when he decides to make his grand entrance into the world! My doctor thinks he will be a January baby because my cervix is "closed very tightly". So, who knows, maybe he will come later than Jan. 8? I hope that is not the case, but I have very little control over that! It is surreal to think that my life as I have known it will never be the same!!