New Things...

I have been steadily going to the breast feeding support group starting a couple of weeks after Elijah's birth. Initially, I started going because I wanted to receive some help with the latch and to ask my questions about nursing. It is a wonderful resource for new moms! Besides the available resources (i.e. a weight scale to see Elijah's weight gain progress), what I have been also enjoying is making new friends. Initially, new friendships started out with saying hi and catching up at the weekly support group meeting. But, a couple of weeks ago, I felt like we were at a place where I can initiate with them and invite them to go to a Mommy and Me movie together. We had a fantastic time at the movie and lunch afterwards, and now it has evolved to "play dates," walks, and lunch after the support group meeting. I am looking forward to getting to know them better as I have been praying for opportunities to meet unbelievers in a natural way.

At the same time, it has been interesting for me to watch different people's responses to me when I tell them that I am a m'ssion'ry. Sometimes people's reactions make me feel as though I had just said I make a living as an auditor for the IRS or something like it. You can tell that they were not expecting to hear the "m-word" as my "profession" and I could see them fumble for what to say next because they feel uncomfortable. However, it also has been very freeing for me to be able to share what I do and who I am without being ashamed. It's too bad that the initial reaction for most people is suspicion and I can tell that they are wondering whether they want to continue getting to know me. I have been praying that the initial suspicion and awkwardness would be changed to trust, friendship, and openness, and I feel like God has been answering my prayers.

On a different note, someone asked me recently how my times with God has been since becoming a new mom. It definitely looks different. During the first couple of weeks, I wondered about how it would work for me, and for now it works to pray during nursing times and to spend some time in the Word while I pump for the next morning feeding. Since I am feeding about every two to three hours, it means that I get to spend about 10-20 minutes every two to three hours in prayer. I am usually wide awake when I am nursing so it works out well for me. I read my Bible while I am pumping for the next morning feeding. I figured instead of just sitting there holding the bottle, I can also read the Word. I can get fed while I get ready to feed! (Corny, I know!!) I'm sure how I spend time with God will look different and it will constantly evolve for the first few years of Elijah's development, so I am praying for creativity. In some ways, I feel like I am connecting with God more frequently and throughout the day as there is a natural rhythm to life and schedule that comes with nursing.

Here is Elijah's update:

Elijah is now seven weeks old, weighs eleven pounds. He is sleeping longer through the night--the longest stretch was seven hours last night! I am starting to see a pattern in his sleep--at least with bed time and morning wake-up time. He likes to go to bed around 6:30pm and wakes up around 6:30am. He is very observant and likes to look around and study an object with intensity. I could tell that he recognizes us, gives us smiles, and talks. He is the happiest after a good night sleep and restful naps. We enjoy watching him play on his own on the play mat and I love hearing him talk. He has definitely found his voice, as well as his hands! I'll post a video later of him talking...

Home

I have given myself 15 minutes to write my blog before heading back to bed. I woke up to nurse and I am wide awake, so I thought I would take this quiet moment to blog a bit. However, I also want to get my sleep, so I have put a limit on how long I could stay on! :)

We are starting our home assignment. Some people call it furlough, but now days people use the term "home assignment" because while you are back in the State side, there are some requirements that we need to fulfill and do, along with rest and reconnecting with family and friends. Our original plan for home assignment was that we would come back to the States in May/June but since we are already here, we figured it is better to do it now and go back to India earlier. However, it has also meant that we are not as prepared for it and are now in the process of scheduling in different speaking/sharing engagements and visits.

I have been back for a while now and various people have asked me how it has been to be back, whether I miss India, etc. I don't think I will have time to write in detail everything that I have been thinking and processing within my time limit! ;) One thing that I have been feeling a lot has been this sense of I am a sojourner.... I am back to what once was my home and a very familiar place, but I have been realizing more and more how much this place doesn't quite feel like home any more. I expected to have some dissonance but I definitely feel it. Lots of things have changed and the reality is that they will continue to change as nothing stays the same. It is one thing to go through the changes in person or watch them as they happen, but when you have been away for two and a half years, you were really not part of the changes that were taking place. Hence, when you return, you feel the dissonance and the familiar feels no longer familiar. I am in the process of trying to understand what that means for me and how to navigate through the changes.

Meanwhile, as I think about India, it is becoming more of a home, but it is not quite my home yet. When people ask, " Do I miss India?" My response has been, "I miss some of the people there, but not the environment." Even as I write, I think about how stree-free it is to be here and to not have strikes called every other day or week, or to be able to leave crumbs in the kitchen and not worry about being attacked by bugs. ;) Yet, I also miss some of our friends (both local and ex-pats) as they have been sending their congrats over email. I miss our work, as fluid as it is and I am looking forward to going back to continue with the learning process, but I am not looking forward to all the inconveniences either.

So, where is my home? Where do I belong? Neither places feel like my home to me but then, perhaps it is a good reminder that my home isn't supposed to be this earth....

I have more thoughts but I have reached my 15 minutes limit and I am going to bed so that I can catch some sleep before the next feeding session....

Photos

With Uncle Jin and Cousin Christian (Week 3)

Enjoying the sunny beach weather in San Diego with his cousin (Week 3)
I have grown so much!!
I can sleep anywhere, even at a museum....--first trip to the Getty Museum (Week 2)
When I am awake, I like to look around and be part of the action! (Week 2)

I love being a mom...

I did not know how much I would enjoy being a mom, but I am really enjoying it. Yes, I am sleep deprived and the longest stretch of sleep I have had has been four hours since Elijah's arrival. I usually don't do very well with interrupted sleep (you can ask my sister! :) but, I have been surprised to find myself with energy even though I am up every two to three hours for feeding. Besides sleep deprivation, I think I am developing carpel tunnel from lifting and holding his head up during feeding. It hurts to even lift a plate, so tomorrow, I am going to go get a brace for myself. Breastfeeding has become easier and more enjoyable. The pain and frustration of the first two weeks feel more like a distant past, for which I am grateful for! ;) We'll introduce the bottle this week, so we will see how he and P do together. I am looking forward to having P get a chance to hold and feed his son.

It is as though he has turned some kind of corner at three weeks. Elijah is so much more alert these days! He is awake more during the day and seems to soaking in his environment. He has also begun flashing real smiles and has started coo-ing. It was incredible to have him smile at me (not a gas bubble, but a real smile) a few days ago when I was talking to him. He is very vocal and has a lot to say. I know that he will be keeping us busy because he is quite active already. He's my little man and I am enjoying (trying to soak in) this stage of his life because it will never come back again. I was reminding him that he should also enjoy this stage of having his butt wiped because eventually he will have to wipe his own. ;)

A couple of days ago as I saw other pregnant women walking around, I was reminded that perhaps I might never get to experience pregnancy again. It was so difficult to get to this point and I know that anything is possible with God, but it is also very possible that Elijah might be our only child. It made me sad to realize this possibility again, but it also made me even more grateful for what I have today. And it made me want to enjoy my sleepless nights, projectile poops and pees, and every little milestones in Elijah's development because one day, all these experiences will only be a memory....

Some highlights for week 3:
Elijah now weighs 8 pounds!
He had his first visit to the Getty Museum and to the beach.
He met his cousin Christian in San Diego and had his first night away from home.
He won my heart all over again with a flash of a big smile that said, "Hi Mom! I know who you are!!"