Huh?

What is the meaning of this? We saw this while I was in pathology for a blood test. :)

I don't think that means what you think it does....

For those of you who have been overseas (especially to the developing world), you probably have some funny stories to share about how English was misused. We have had our share of laughter over various signs, T-shirts, and verbage which made us wonder, "Huh?"

As you are aware, there are lots of pirated movies and music sold here. Many people don't even know that it is illegal because it is done so regularly. One day, one of our friends approached Paul and asked him, "Paul can you copyright those songs for me?" Paul's initial thought was, "Huh?" Then, he realized he was asking Paul to make a copy of a music CD. Our friend didn't quite get the meaning of "copyright." Paul didn't have the heart to correct him.

One of our other friends who holds a prominent position in a Christian organization would get really excited about something and he would use the word, "damn" to show his excitement. He would say things like, "It was damn good food." or "It was damn cheap!" At first, Paul and I were kind of caught off guard and found it funny. But then, we noticed that he used it all the time and we realized that he didn't quite have the English acuity to understand that some people would be shocked to hear the word, "damn" from a Christian leader. Finally, Paul and I decided we needed to tell him, just so that he understood what it had meant, what it could mean, and how people might misunderstand him. Since then, we haven't heard him use it.

But, what we saw today probably has to be the ultimate example of English not understood but worn proudly. As we were riding our scooter to the office, a guy walks by wearing a T-shirt boldly declaring in thick black capital letters, "I MASTURBATE." Oh, if he only knew what it meant!

Culinarily Challenged

I have always been culinarily-challenged. I don’t like cooking and I am not good at it. I actually find cooking quite stressful. WHAT? I know, some of you who find cooking/baking therapeutic must be shocked to hear this, but it’s true. So then, what has possessed me to be baking lemon bars, brownies, banana bread, and cakes from SCRATCH? Why do I find myself in the kitchen teaching our help (actually, learning with her!) how to make pizza, potato salad, spaghetti sauce, and burrito again from SCRATCH? How come I stand over the stove while sweat is dripping off my body making the “limited ingredient” version of yook-gye-jang, mee-yuk-gook, gham-ja-bokum, and mye-re-chi bokum? Why do I get so excited thinking about making turnip kimchee or mul-kimchee? Have I become a believer in culinary therapy?

No way! It is all driven by our desire for variety, for a familiar taste of home, and the fact that you MUST eat to live, so you mind as well make what you crave once in a while! Nothing noble I tell you.

But then, why the stress?

Because I am culinarily challenged and what I make do not always turn out the way it should. For example, last night, I baked brownies to take to our friend’s place. I ended up buying ice-cream on the way and leaving the brownies at home. Let’s just say the brownies looked pretty pathetic.

Sometimes, I don’t have all the necessary ingredients listed in the book. My attitude has always been, “Oh well, if I don’t have it, I won’t use it.” WRONG! I’m learning that when you’re making something from scratch, you can’t always do that. Oops.

The weather—I had no idea it affected cooking! That is how challenged I am.

Our microwave sized oven does not seem to work like the ovens at home. Even my Betty Crocker box of brownie mix I received in a care package turned out over baked and not very tasty. How can it go wrong with the box mix? I am more challenged than I had imagined.

Whenever I go to other ex-pat’s home, they always seem to offer home made desserts that look like they were bought at the Corner Bakery! I know I can never compete with them. So far, practice has not been perfecting my skills! Instead, I find I have managed to produce another version of the same recipe. Please don’t ask how is that possible because I have no idea! Hmm…maybe that’s the problem. Oh, mercy!

I have yet to make Korean food for some of the Korean ex-pats here. I’m going to keep Korean food to myself (and for non-Koreans) as long as I can so that I can live in the illusion that my Korean food tastes just like the ones from Korea. ;)

What is this sound?

India is full of lots of interesting sounds. We want to know if anyone can identity this sound. Whoever gets it correct, your prize is a free Indian dinner at your favorite restaurant. Only redeemable in Siliguri. :) I'll share the correct answer in a couple of days.



No, it is not the sound of robot geese or fans....The correct answer is: FROGS! You can hear them all night long calling each other. :)

It is all about the magic age and the jaw!

I can now count ten couples who are engaged to be married by end of 2008, and I predict that there will be a few more coming. One of my recently engaged friends reminded (and thanked :) ) me that I had once prayed for a “movement of dating” at our church. I vaguely remember praying for it, but then, I can totally imagine myself praying such prayer so I believe him! God has been answering that prayer. It’s about time, God! :) Hmm...maybe we should take our furlough in 2008.

About two years ago, I was having a conversation with one of my male friends at church and he asked, “Rebecca, when is it going to be my turn?” I told him something like, “Don’t worry. It will happen when you turn 29 or 30. The magic number is 29, for most guys!” He laughed and said, “Really, 29!” “Yep, I give you my word, 29.” (Hey, you know who you are if you’re reading this! BTW, congratulations on your engagement!)

So, here is my theory #1: The magic age for men is 29. Men are ready for marriage around the age of 29 and 30. Of course, there are always exceptions, but in general, this is the trend I have seen. Before 29, they may be bemoaning the fact that it hasn’t happened, but really, they are still fairly content with their single state of being. But it seems that as the magic number 29 approaches, they suddenly wake up from a long nap of sweet dreams in the land of bachelorhood and decide they are ready or want to get married. Why is that? Why don’t you ask your male friends? My husband’s frank answer, “Because we’re men… well, it takes us a little longer to reach maturity.” By no means am I arguing that marriage = maturity, but we all know that it takes some maturity for marriage to work. Please do not misunderstand me, in presenting this theory I am NOT in any way trying to bash the male gender! I am just stating a general trend that I have seen in men. Having said that, if you (single ladies) are looking for a good man who is ready to settle down, look for someone who is almost 29 and above. If you’re dating a guy who is younger than 29, don’t put unnecessary pressure on the guy. He will come to his own senses when he reaches the magic age. Meanwhile, be patient. It will happen. ;)

My theory #2: Coupling is all about the jaw structure. What? Yeah, you heard me right—jaw structure. Let me explain. Again, there are always exceptions to the general rule so don’t freak out and wonder if your relationship is doomed if this isn’t true for you as a couple. ;) My theory is that people with similar jaw-structure get together. Perhaps it’s our instinctual desire to be tied together for eternity with someone who kind of resembles us. I don’t know why, really. For example, I don’t know how many times Paul and I have been told we look a like. “Hello? He’s white, bald, hairy, with a white man’s nose, and big eyes? I am, on the other hand, Asian, have slanted eyes, with what would be considered a typical Asian nose, with full set of black hair and I am smooth as an ivory! Should we be flattered or offended?” So, then what makes people look at us and say, “You guys look alike?” My theory, it’s the jaw line. We have nothing in common in features, but we share a similar jaw structure. Here are pictures to prove it…. look at that pointed jaw line and chin! What makes our relationship work? It’s because we’re jaw-mates!

To brag a little here, I can tell you how many times I have predicted coupling of people based on their jaw structure. I admit, sometimes it doesn’t work out, but in general, they end up getting hitched. I have had to use the virtue of patience with many couples so that they could finally come to that “Ah-hah” moment that they are meant for each other, even though I predicted it 2 or more years ago. They have been right there under each other’s nose (no pun intended!), but it took some time to come to their own realization, which felt like eternity to me. When they become “official,” I usually sigh a sigh of relief thinking, “Finally….” Why it takes couples so long to figure this out, I don’t know. So, if you’re wondering about this guy or gal, get your photos out and compare the jaw structure. It may be the answer you have been searching for and might help you to know whether there is a good chance in your relationship or whether you should move on in search of your jaw-mate.

Ps: If you want my professional analysis, you can send them my way, but I expect to be invited to the wedding. ;)

Pics of some of my other favorite married jaw-mates. (I figured family wouldn't mind being used as exhibits for my theory!) ;)

My Coping Mechanism

Yesterday, I started having what I would call a "light period." (So sorry if this is way too TMI for some of you) I still have it, but it's still light. I contacted the doctor because I was concerned and he said, "I agree this does not sound promising at all. For now I would suggest you ignore the bleeding and do the blood test as planned on Saturday." I'm not sure how you ignore it since it's right there, but here's my attempt at ignoring it.

Paul and I spent some time thinking about names that we CANNOT give to our kids. I guess it's our way of coping and still holding on to some hope. ;)

Polly
Belle
Otto
Ra-In (Korean?)
Pi
Cosmo
Kar Dio (we made it up)
(all attached to surname Graf)

Do you get it? ;) Hence, we opted out on hyphenating our last name:
Paul Lee-Graf. (say it quickly) ;)

Can you think of any? If so, share them with us.
_______________
Here are a few more that my in-law's have suggested after reading the blog. You can tell they have had a lot more time to think about it! :)

Fono,
Telly,
Mimi O' (- a nod to the Irish),
Spiro (-classical Greek),
and our favorijte reject - Seismo

How did I end up Here?

Have you ever experienced waking up one morning and thinking, “How did I end up here?” I did, yesterday, on my 35th birthday. Don’t worry, I’m not having a mid-life crisis or bouts of regret...well, I think I'm not. :) And, I’m not asking this question because I have no idea how I ended up “here.” In reality, I know how I arrived at where I am in life. But, it was the first thought that I woke up with on the morning of joining the ranks of the mid-30’s crowd.

The funny thing is, I remember some of my other “birthday thoughts” often associated with significant milestones.

Age 13: “In three years, I will be able to drive!”
Age 16: “I will be going to college in two years! Whoo hoo!!”
Age 18: “I better get my U.S. citizenship so that I can vote.”
Age 21: “When I am 25, I can rent a car for a road trip.” (Forgetting that I probably would have a car of my own by then! – And I was so innocent, I didn’t even think about the legal drinking age or getting plastered!)
Age 30: “I am really happy with where I am in life.”
Age 31: “Oh no, I’m getting older!” (Which was supposed to hit me at 30, but I was delayed a year!)
Age 35: “How did I end up here?”

“How did I end up here?” It’s really a rhetorical question in some ways. You know, that question you ask, when you’re kind of surprised that you are where you are, even though you know how and why you are where you are? (Did that make any sense?) The question really reflects my shock at some of the things that have come along with moving to India. I would have NEVER EVER thought I would be “here.”

First of all, I can't stand heat, but more than that humidity! I remembering getting off the plane in Bangkok in 1999 and praying, "God, please don't send me here. It's too hot and humid." So, it is a complete shock to find myself living in India. And of all places in India, a place called S’liguri where it is hot and humid. I remember expressing to Paul a few years ago as we were talking about places we’d want to visit and I said, “If we don’t get to India, I would be fine.” No particular reasons, I just wasn't interested in it. Who would have guessed I would be living in a place where I had no prior interest or fascination with?

“How did I end up here?” I am 35 years old and ….I can’t even communicate clearly with folks that I live and work with. I have no close friends within 7,000 miles. I have little in common with many of the people I am working with. We come from a very different educational, social, cultural, and economic background, and their expectation for what life should be like as women are so far from my expectations. ("Working in the home" takes on new meaning here, where domestic tasks are much more consuming. Sometimes we feel that wifes double as servants, fetching things so the husband doesn't have to get up. We were invited over to someone's house and the husband entertained us, but the wife only served us tea, spending all the time in the kitchen.) I have no kids after almost 8 years of marriage and people think I am strange. I ride around in small three wheel “auto rickshaws” (designed for 4) with 8 people squeezed in so tightly that you can feel each other’s perspiration – even if you prefer not to. My favorite past time has become killing bugs. I am no longer scared to pick up dead bugs with my fingers or even kill them with my bare hands. Geckos have become my new friends because they eat bugs, even if I have to sweep up their poop in the morning - I get bummed when they’re gone. I wear the same clothes every week and the same two pairs of shoes. I only have one hair style—up and away from my face. Instead of living in the traditional American suburb with safe streets and the proverbial “white picket fence” neighborhood, my street doubles as a toilet for passersby, and a number of neighbors who don’t have proper facilities of their own. I have eaten more cauliflower this past year than all my years put together. What I eat is pretty much the same vegetables with some variation in seasoning. We might be lacking in variety, but we’re eating really healthy! I am dripping in sweat all the time, even when I am cooking, and I have developed B.O! How did I end up here?

This blog may sound a little negative, but honestly, I am chuckling at myself as I am writing. I guess I find it all too funny to find myself “here.” I would have never imagined I would be living this life at age 35! It’s too funny on good days and really irritating on bad days! I had not fully realized that saying yes to our calling also came with some of my current experiences, but I trust that God has a purpose for bringing us "here."

B.O., Mosquitoes, and Laughter

I have a confession to make. I can count with my fingers the number of times I have put on deodorant. You might find this a little gross, but it's the truth. I tried wearing deodorant, but I quickly learned that I didn't sweat enough to give off that nasty body odor. So, I stopped using it altogether.

Anyway, on Thursday, Paul and I took a shared jeep to S'kkim for work, where 12 of us were packed side-by- side for a four hour ride up to the hills. It was pretty hot below and I sweat quite a bit. When we arrived in the hills and checked into a hotel, I noticed a foul smell....the smell of BAD B.O.! I wondered, "Why does this room smell like B.O? Did they not clean it well?" I was trying to figure out the origin of the odor.

Lo and behold, I thought I would sniff myself just in case, and to my utter shock, the B.O. was coming from no other place than MY OWN body! It was so gross.... What is even more gross is that I went to sleep without taking a shower. I was exhausted, it was cold up there, and the electricity went out which meant we couldn't heat up the water....I just cleaned under my armpits enough to kill a little bit of that horrible smell, and went to bed. I think I will now wear deodorant! (Is this TMI?) :)

After quickly falling asleep, I was woken up by a buzzing sound of a blood thirsty mosquito. I don't know why, but mosquitoes love my blood. I woke determined to kill that mosquito before it bit me. I knew that it was an end to a good night sleep for me until it was destroyed! Paul also woke up. The two of us, dozing on and off were going after the mosquito. "Smack!" "Over there!" "Ah, darn it, we missed it!" "Stay still....it will come again..."At one point, I started laughing really hard. It was just too humorous to think about how much our lives had changed since coming to India. I couldn't help but to just laugh.... After two hours of intense battle, Paul managed to smash that blood sucking pest when it landed on our sheet. Victory was ours! We slept soundly after that.

Toilet Woes or Laughters

I found this hillariously funny article on MSNBC website and wanted to share it with you. Here's the link: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18290011.

Here are a few more pieces of advice from me (if you're traveling in my neck of the woods):

1) For ladies, wear a shirt that is long enough to cover your behind. Sometimes, when you're traveling in a bus, the gents will get out and walk towards one direction of the road while the ladies to the other side to do #1. You get the picture.
2) Always carry a small flashlight so that you know what you're stepping on when there is no light to guide your steps.
3) Wear an elastic pants, if possible (for ladies) for speed and convenience sake.
4) Learn to squat and build up your quads because sometimes you may have to squat even with the ivory throne.... it's more sanitary.
5) Don't eat or drink too much before heading out on your bon voyage. You will be happier.
6) Have a good attitude (as the article said) because before you know it, you will realize that you can navigate through almost all kinds of toilets with speed and accuracy! :)

Second Wife

During Paul's walk around the community to familiarize himself with our new neighborhood, he met a few interesting people. Maybe he'll write about his experience...Currently in Siliguri, there is a large dam project to help alleviate power problem. The men he met are responsible for feeding all the workers. They were in a large truck packed with lunch boxes. Paul was exploring, so he was in an area where one might not find a white person roaming the streets. A Bengali man peering through the window asked Paul, "What are you doing?" and Paul told him that he was just walking around the neighborhood. Luckily, the man spoke some Nepali. After they conversed for a while, he invited Paul to get in the truck and gave him a tour of the work camps.

As they talked, the topic of marriage and family came up. People are usually very surprised when we tell them that we have been married 7 years and we have no children. Usually, people are too embarrassed to ask why, but some people do. He asked, and Paul answered by saying, " We don't know, but we're praying." He responded by saying, "Yes, it's the Lord's work." (He's not a Christian.) Later, the man advised Paul, "You should get married again." Of course, Paul thought maybe the man had not understood his Nepali the first time around and corrected him. He told him, "No, I'm married." The Bengali man acknowledged this and said, "Yes, I know, but you should get married again...get a second wife. Indian women are very nice, No?"

When he came home and told me this story, I was so amused. This is the first.... We have received various "advice" for our infertility issues, but never once received an advice to get a second wife! :) (Although in the rural context it is quite common to have two or more wives here.) I told Paul he needs to get my permission first before he goes out looking for another one. :) Although when he has a wife like me, why would he want to, right?