Coming to America

We are leaving tomorrow for our first leg of the journey toward our other home--America. We will be stopping for a short visit with some friends in Delhi before setting off for the States. I've been getting more and more excited as we have been wrapping things up here. I am VERY eager to see my nephews and niece. I miss them so much and I think it will be hard for me to leave them when I return. They bring so much joy! I am so looking forward to seeing my family again, reconnecting with friends, and meeting all the babies that were born while we were away! I can't believe it has been almost two years since we left.

At the same time, I am glad that it will be a short trip. It's not because I don't want to be back. I'm excited to be going back. But, I don't feel like this is the time for us to be back for a lengthy period of time. We are just not ready to be back for a few months. As weird as it feels to write this, I don't want to be back for a long time...now. It is not the right time. It is one of the reasons why we decided to not take our furlough this year but to wait until next year. I feel like we're just getting started with life and ministry and this season is still supposed to be about being immersed in our learning.

I have heard that it takes about two years to get adjusted. And, I believe it! I feel like we're just starting to feel much more at home here. So, although I am excited to be returning to my other home, I am also glad that we'll be back shortly to continue with our learning. By next year around this time, we will be ready for a furlough... our language will be in a more solid place, relationships solidified more, and we will have had another full year to really give ourselves to life here and make this place our primary home...

But, don't get me wrong! We're going to live it up for two and a half weeks while we're back and enjoy what America has to offer!! ;) We're going to enjoy our family, friends, driving around in a car on freeways, eating different kinds of food, walking on sidewalks, wearing shorts and tank tops, running outside, getting a good haircut, holding hands in public, etc! We also get to watch the NCAA semi-finals and the championship game, and watch UCLA do what USC couldn't in football! (ouch...) Go Bruins! Oooh, I can't wait!

I'm thankful that I get to enjoy what both homes have to offer. See you soon!

**Updated April 5: Humble pie has been served... We're on even ground, SC fans!**

Some Randomn Thoughts on Food

Yesterday, I read about the rising food prices all over the world. It said that one out of many reasons for the rise in food prices has to do with the increase in number of Chinese and Indian middle class who are consuming more meat and putting more demand on the grain supply. Interesting, I thought... I remember growing up in Korea and eating beef was such a treat (and we were middle class). Today, to have eaten Korean food is to have had Korean BBQ. I chuckle at that because "real, everyday" Korean food consists mainly of vegetables. I remembered being shocked at how much kalbi (Korean bbq) was available all the time with no end in sight when I immigrated to the States! I find it interesting that increase in wealth translates into increase in meat consumption.

Since we have been in India, we have been eating meat once or twice a week....usually, chicken, maybe pork once a month, and beef, probably once every six months. We have even talked about becoming vegetarians.... maybe we will one day. I don't know...it's been harder for me to enjoy eating meat when I see them getting slaughtered or when I see what they eat around town... Less meat and lots of vegetables are good for your body! I definitely feel like we have been eating better since we have been here.

Talking about meat consumption, when bird flu was here, restaurants didn't serve chicken for some time. Bird flu has definitely affected the poultry industry, although for consumers who understand that you cannot get sick from eating it, seem to be very happy with lower prices.

For some odd reason, today, I am craving granny apples. I am actually really looking forward to having variety of fruits when we're back in the States. I have noticed that I hardly eat fruit here, except for oranges. I don't like bananas and I only like granny apples, which are not available here. Actually, I saw them at this new "supermarket" in a new mall (the first one in North India) that just opened up but it was around 200 rupees for one kilogram of granny apples....way too expensive to even taste it! It looks like we will have imported fruit here very soon, but the price is outrageously expensive. Maybe when I am really in need of one of those "treat myself to something nice" time, I might splurge and get myself some grannies. But for now, we're sticking with what our fruit stands by the roads have to offer.... Let's just say I am looking forward to having the option of choosing between granny apples, peaches, plums, melons, juicy Asian pear....yummy, they sound really good!

Besides having tofu last month in Thailand, I have had tofu once since leaving the State. I am SO looking forward to eating lots of tofu!! I love tofu!

Paul is looking forward to a good hamburger and Mexican food!

We're looking forward to sushi, of course, but we had it in Thailand so we're not dying for it right now.

Hmm...It's kind of nice to be able to think about different kinds of food you can have! :)

Part of the process

We have a little less than two weeks before we are heading back to the States. Am I excited? Yes. I am looking forward to seeing family and friends again. But, it is going to be a very short stay so we're trying our best to manage our time back well and not come back feeling wiped out from too many fun activities.

As I have been thinking about going back, one of the things that has resurfaced again is grief over Midi and Nathan's death. The day after my niece Mila was born, I spent a good 10 minutes crying over Midi and Nathan's death. I think the first time when I received the news of their accident and death, I cried for my loss--that of a wonderful friend and her young son. But this time around, I cried for Mark and Lucas' loss. I have yet to meet my niece face to face, but I could already feel the deep attachment and love for her. If anything happened to my nephews or my niece, the pain would be excruciating and I felt as though I understood a little bit of the excruciating pain Mark shared about losing his son in his blog. The pain of Mark and Lucas' loss felt more real and it came when I was least expecting it.

What came next was this intense fear of driving when I am back in the States. It kind of sounds irrational but I felt really afraid thinking about driving a car, especially with any little children in the car. I don't feel it as intensely now, but it's still there. I remember feeling a little bit of it when I first heard, but it went away pretty fast. But this time around, it came back with full force as I realized one of the things I probably will do is drive a car when I am back. It's probably another part of the grieving process--fear.

One of the things that I am "looking forward" to doing is visiting Midi and Nathan's burial site. I was telling a friend that one of the things that I thought about doing was bringing a bowl of nyaeng-myun with me to the grave and eating some there... Our last moment together was enjoying that cold Korean noodle. It didn't feel as "ridiculous" of an idea when my friend shared that her husband would sometimes take a bottle of wine to his father's grave, drink a glass, and pour a glass down on to the grass. I probably won't end up having the cold noodle there but I think it will be good to visit and remember some good times together.

I am not sure how I would feel being there.... it's kind of hard to predict what my emotional response will be like. It still feels kind of surreal to me. I am thankful that I don't have to wait a whole another year to do this.

Last week I....

• got to see my new niece on webcam--I'm in love!
• drove our scooter into a gutter while practicing -- besides a dozen men who came to my aid and feeling utterly embarrassed, I left with a couple of minor scratches..
• began making a list of things we want to purchase back in the States such as weather stripping, a good lock, knife sharpener, etc.
• taught in Sunday school for the first time in Nepali (today) -- I realized how much I still have to go in language learning!
• felt excited as I talked with others and prayed with a friend about the young adults Bible study (for English speaking Nepalis) which I'm hoping to start in May
• realized that friendships are developing both with nationals and expats

This coming week, I hope to get some exercise in. We'll see about that....

My Niece, Mila is Here!

Mila Soon Ae Lech was born on March 11, 2008 at 1:26 a.m. weighing 8lbs and 9 oz. and 21 and 1/4 inches long!! She's not going to get left behind by her brothers, that's for sure! She shares birthday with her dad! What a birthday gift for my brother-in-law. We have four adorable nephews between the Graf and the Lee family, but it definitely feels different to know that we have a niece. I'm SO thrilled and excited! We're so excited that you are FINALLY here, Mila! I can't wait to hold you in April!

I'm so proud of my sister. She is a BIG time trooper. This was her third delivery with no epidural. It was a long labor and not an easy one either. She's one determined mama with high tolerance for pain. I'm so proud of you!

Also, our friends, Calvin and Judy gave birth to a baby girl, Trinity Alicia Liang on the same day at 6:11pm. She weighed 9lbs and 12oz. Congratulations, Cal and Judy!! We're looking forward to seeing you guys as a family and meeting you Trinity!

A Milestone

I am so happy because I spent whole two hours carrying on a conversation with my friend in Nepali! It really felt like two friends catching up with each other after not having seen each other for a while. For the most part, we really understood each other!! Yeah!! It's a big milestone for me in terms of language progress. I am really looking forward to going to Nepal in mid-June through end of September for intensive language learning back in Pokhara! I'm hoping that it will really help improve our language ability. This coming Sunday, I'm going to give my first Sunday school lesson in Nepali so you could pray for me if you remember.

The Meaning of "With"

As I wrote in one of my previous blog entry, I have been experiencing a new level of contentment and joy with my life. Although nothing has changed on the outside, something has happened inside. I've been praying and asking the Holy Spirit to help me understand more what it is that has happened for me.

For those of you who have been keeping up with my blog and our updates, you probably know that the last half of 2007 and January of 2008 have been really difficult. With failures with IVF, struggles of transitioning to India and the sudden death of my friend and her son, I felt as though all I saw before me were losses. Life felt like one disappointment after another, one loss after another, and one grief after next.

In midst of all this I found Jesus in a new way. I loved Jesus in 2007 but I can say I love Him more now. Jesus has not changed, but I have come to know Him in a different way, in a new way, and I love this Jesus that I experienced during these ordeals.

It is Jesus, who became man, lived among us, suffered, and died. I spent a lot of time reflecting on Jesus, His life, and especially His suffering. As I spent time reflecting on Jesus' incarnation, his becoming flesh and blood, I began to really believe that He truly is able to understand and comfort me in my pain and losses and bring healing and redemption that we all ache for. Jesus' incarnation brought for me a new level of hope, which in turn gave me a new level certainty in Him in whom I put my trust, and I found myself experiencing a new level of intimacy in pain.

These days when I consider the profound love of God demonstrated through Jesus' flesh and blood life on earth, I find myself welling up in tears and wanting to worship Him. He didn't have to come and dwell among us. But, He chose to. He lived among us as a man--completely 100% man. He experienced displacement, hunger, fatigue, sickness, betrayal, misunderstanding, death of loved ones, beatings, struggling with His own heart as He faced suffering and death, and eventually an intensely painful death. There is nothing that Jesus cannot relate to. If anything, He is not only able to relate to whatever pain and loss I experience, but knows how to comfort me in it. I feel strengthened when I consider the fact that He himself experienced all of the human sufferings. I found comfort in Jesus. I found the meaning of Immanuel--God with us.

In return, this revelation of Jesus with me has created in me a new longing to be with the people here. It is incredible for me to think about the fact that Jesus spent the first thirty years of life living the daily routines of life (what we might consider "mundane") of chores, work, study, getting sick, seeing the poor, attending parties, etc. and being with the people. (It's a blog topic on its own.) I find courage reflecting on Jesus who became man. It makes me want to live among the people here and share with them this Jesus, who is with us today clothed in majesty yet in humility, in power yet in love, and in righteousness yet in grace.

Signs

When you begin to see....

• geckos peeking in from the outside or hanging around inside
• ants poking their way through concrete
• mosquitoes swarming around you
• less shawls everyday
• yourself putting away the blanket and kicking away the sheet
• citrus price rising and withered spinach
• frequent power outages
• and a sudden thunderstorm

then, you know that winter is over and summer is just around the corner! Come on and get me!! I think I'm ready for you this time. (heehee--trying to stay positive here...)

A New Season

After our annual retreat ended we spent a week with my in-laws in Krabi – where plenty of rock climbing and water sports are available (or not, depending on your mood). After a year of no rock climbing, Paul pulled a muscle on his first day on the rocks and that ended his climbing. Poor guy. Nevertheless we were able to soak in the beautiful scenery, eat good Thai and western food, read, enjoy the company of my in-laws, and take advantage of time for reflection. It was really a big treat.

However, while I was there, I noticed a change in myself. I thought about India and the people here a lot. My vacation was such a contrast to my daily reality of life that unlike last year, I struggled with conflicting feelings. Last year, I was so happy to get away. This year, I spent a lot of time thinking about my new home, the people there, my new life, and the contrast in wealth. Although I had known that life in the U.S. is not the way most of the world lives, I had not realized how much so until I was back in a place where only people with resources were eating and "living" together for a short period of time. I enjoyed what Krabi had to offer, but I also experienced a longing to be back with the people and the place where I have planted myself for a little over a year. I felt this deep sense of gratitude to God for bringing me here. I felt lucky and really privileged to live where I must wrestle with issues of justice, kindness, daily inconveniences, wealth, poverty, and the stark reality that obtaining the basic needs for life is difficult for the majority of the world. It was as though something shifted, something clicked, and my life India felt less foreign and the life I once had seemed more so. Nothing on the outside has changed here....my road is still filthy, my life is still unpredictable, the political situation changes by the day, and there is still "chaos." But, I feel different inside. I feel content. I feel grateful. I feel like this place has become and it is my home.

While I was in Thailand, I could tell intuitively that my return back to India would be different this year than last year. It really has been different. Last year, upon our return, we experienced major culture shock. This year, I knew what I was going back to and I was eager to do so. The transition back has been smooth and it felt as though I had never left. I sense in my heart that we are entering a new season and I feel excited although I don't know what lies ahead. My gut feeling is that immediately, there won't be that many external changes, but over time, we will see the new things God is doing inside us and through us. God has done something new in my heart.... I'm not sure if I can explain even clearly what that is, except that I feel a new level of contentment, joy, and gratitude eventhough nothing on the outside has changed one bit. It must be God. :)

Isaiah 43:18-19 "Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.