On bed rest...

A total bummer, but I need to do what the doctor prescribed to keep the babies inside. She (and neither do we) does not want the babies to come out yet....they still need a few more weeks in the oven to develop their lungs and fatten up more.

My good friend Sharon and I went to get a pedicure done before the babies' arrival. She's also expecting and her due date is only a couple of weeks away. To make a long story short, I found out that I was spotting and left as soon as my toenails were cut. I need to go back and get them nicely painted. Anyway, she followed me all the way to Glendale and by the time we got there, I could tell I was having some mild contractions. They monitored me and gave me two shots to stop "uterine irritability" which felt like bad cramping which a nurse explained is a precursor to contractions. It took a little over six hours before I was discharged. I was so ready to go home! Anyway, now, I am on bed rest. I was hoping for a partial bed rest. But, it's a full one. I'm having a hard time imagining myself sitting on my behind all day...."You can get up to go to the bathroom and get something to eat." Those words were my instruction from the nurse. That pretty much means, I need to sit on my butt or lie down all day.....God have mercy on me!

There is so much to do before the girls arrive, but we're just going to have to take it one day at a time. Hopefully, if I rest enough and do well, maybe they will take me off of bed rest....I have no idea how it works, but the nurse basically warned me that the next time I come in due to contractions, I might have to be put on bed rest in the hospital. I definitely don't want that!

The Final Stretch....

Five more weeks to go until we meet our girls! I've been slowly but steadily getting ready for their arrival. I can tell we're nearing the final stretch of the pregnancy because starting Friday, I will be going in for monitoring (Non-Stress Test) of the twins twice a week until week 37. Today, I filled out the pre-registration form, signed up for a CPR class, and a sibling class for Elijah at the hospital. I've been wanting to take a CPR class for a long time so I decided to take the opportunity to do it before the twins arrive. The sibling class is to help the older child get ready for the arrival of their new sibling(s)....I don't know exactly what it will entail, but it sounds like it would be a good way to help Elijah understand some of the changes that he will experience. I especially like the fact that they give a short tour of the hospital room where mommy will be staying. I think it will help Elijah to know where I will be when I am not at home with him. I'm really grateful that there are resources like this available here.

I think we might be getting close to deciding on names for the girls.....however, we might decide to announce the names after they are born rather than before.....

I laugh at how many comments I have received from people about the size of my round belly. I guess perhaps people feel more "free" to share what they think because they feel that it is less likely for someone to feel offended by "You're really small..." than, "You're huge!" :) I'm not offended but I've been surprised at how much people (strangers too) want to tell me what they think of the size of my belly, especially when they learn that I have twins in there. I feel huge and have gained almost 30 pounds....but, I take it as a compliment that I don't look like a whale. ;)

Week 31!

and six more weeks to go!!

Our little girls are doing great! This pregnancy has been so different from my previous pregnancy with Elijah. Absolutely no complications! PTL! I learned that I am carrying 6pounds and 5 ounces of babies right now. (Baby girl A: 3 lbs 4 oz. Baby girl B: 3lbs. 1oz.) Elijah weighed 6 lbs 14 oz at birth at 40 weeks....My gosh, I'm going to be huge in six weeks. I am working hard to take it easy so that the girls can stay in the oven for six more weeks. But, I think when week 37 rolls around, I will be ready to have them out. I can't even lie down for the ultrasound on my back because I feel like I'm going to pass out....so all my ultrasounds have been with lying on my left side. I wonder what our girls are going to be like.... We're still working on names.

Today, we purchased a used Combi double stroller from craigslist. You gotta love great deals! I'm waiting for my twin nursing pillow that I won from ebay. I also bought a matching set of premie outfit for the twin girls for their return home clothes in case they are small. I still need to go through some clothes that folks have given me. We're waiting to receive our two Combi infant car seats that we bought on ebay too. Our in-law's Jetta cannot hold two Graco car seats and a toddler one. So, we're waiting to see how they fit before we make a decision about whether we need to purchase one for Elijah too. It is on my to do list....

So, I have a few things I want to accomplish in the next six weeks:

• Catch up on blog entries for Elijah's blog so that I can make a book of his first two years of life from the blog
• Catch up on blog entries for this blog
• Choose names for the girls
• Help Elijah settle in at his preschool (Yes, he started preschool on Monday! He also turned two last Saturday!)
• Organize clothes that I have received from people
• Make a list of things I still need
• Get plenty of rest so that the girls can continue to grow in the oven until 37 weeks

Only six more weeks and the craziness will begin!!

Two baby girls!!! (Week 26)

We went in for our first appointment with a perinatologist (a high risk pregnancy doctor) to get a detailed ultrasound scan. We were also hoping to find out the gender of the two babies and we did! He said he was pretty certain that we are having two baby girls. I was initially a little disappointed (and Paul was too) because we were both hoping for a brother for Elijah, but that disappointment quickly got replaced with excitement. I have a sister and I love having a sister! I love my brothers too, but there is a sisterly bond that is very different. When I think about the two girls developing inside my womb and the bond that they are developing now and how it will continue as they develop and grow outside the womb, I feel really excited. I can tell Paul was excited too because as soon as we got home, he was on the computer looking up girl names. I think Elijah will love being a big brother too. I think the fact that he got to see the ultrasound with us made the reality that there are two babies in mommy's growing tummy even more real. He periodically through out the day would come by and touch my tummy and kiss it. He kept saying, "Elijah see the babies. Babies come out." Tonight, he wanted to pray for his sisters and the doctor. :)

We also felt really grateful to hear that everything looked great. This time around, there was no single umbilical chord artery, no placenta previa anymore (they had moved), and the babies were measuring similar in size, which means they are both growing at a similar rate. The membrane which divides them looked really good and the doctor said he was pretty certain that they are fraternal twins, not identical. This is good news in that there is less risk involved with fraternal twins than identical. He remembered us from when we were pregnant with Elijah because we had to see him so often. But, this time, he said, "I will see you again in five weeks!" I was so used to being monitored for fetal distress and an ultrasound every two weeks with Elijah that I was a little taken back when he said five weeks. ;) I will be seeing my OB this week and I think I probably will be seeing her every two/three weeks. I'm assuming that I have not received a phone call telling me to go in for a three hour gestational diabetes screening means that I passed the one hour one....

I am just really thankful to God that all is looking good.

Twin Pregnancy Update (Week 18)

Okay, I have to admit that waiting two to three hours each time I am at my doctor's appointment is starting to grow old! Ugh....I think I just have bad luck with this doctor because even though I was first in line today, I still had to wait two hours.

I haven't posted any ultrasound photos or videos because we have not been able to record good shots or very many. Elijah can't last through the waiting so P usually ends up taking care of him at home. Sorry, twins!

This week, they are measuring slightly a week behind their "schedule," but I'm not too concerned as ultrasounds are not always 100% accurate. But, they are growing so, I'm happy about that. I've gained a little under eight pounds total. The doctor doesn't seem too concerned but I wish I was gaining more a bit faster.

She also asked if I was diabetic before becoming pregnant because my blood sugar level was a little high. No, I have never been diabetic and I had no problems with gestational diabetes when pregnant with Elijah. I asked her if she thought maybe I have gestational diabetes. She didn't really answer my question--just said, "Don't eat sugar." Well, the truth is I haven't been able to eat very much sugary stuff because I would feel so sick and throw up. I can't even drink a coke these days.....maybe it's my body's natural way of telling me to be careful. It just confirmed my hunch I don't feel well when I have "sugar" in my diet.

I also have placenta previa. I thought I probably would again since I had it with Elijah around this time of pregnancy and it's much more common with twin pregnancy. I was told to be cautious and to hope that there is no bleeding.

I was prescribed some medication to stop contractions and was told to "carry it with me at all times." Hmmmm....I need to double check on google, but I was told I should take it whenever I have "stomach pain or start bleeding." That instruction is kind of vague! But in the middle of my appointment, a guy walked in and started conversing with her in Bangla, so I got side-tracked and forgot to ask clarifying questions. Oh well.

I'm still dealing with morning sickness and once every three days, I seem to throw up my dinner! I was hoping that by now, I'd be done with this side effect of pregnancy....I'm just thankful that the twins seem like they're doing well overall.

The day is finally here!

It is surreal to think that by tomorrow sometime P and I will be holding our son. We are going in tonight at 5:30pm to get induced for labor. The doctors (both the perinatologist and our Ob/Gyn) thought it would be best to get baby Elijah out by the due date rather than wait any longer as his weight gain is a few weeks behind and my amniotic fluid level seemed to be decreasing. They feel that he is most likely a healthy, small baby, but in case there is something wrong, they don't want to take any chances by having him stay in longer. So, here we are! The day is finally here and we are going to meet our little man really soon!!

I must admit that when they first recommended that we get induced, I was disappointed. It was the last thing I wanted because I have heard that labor with induction can be long and it often ends up with a c-section, especially for first time moms whose cervix doesn't show much progress.... I asked my Ob about it and her response was that my cervix is starting to show signs of "ripening" so perhaps there is a possibility that induction could work. She also offered the option of a scheduled c-section, but at the end, P and I thought we should try induction first. At the end, the goal is to have our son and if it ends up that a c-section becomes necessary, well, then, it is what it is. Now that the initial disappointment is dealt with, I feel at peace and ready. P and I had imagined that we would be running around frantically, P giving me lots of "relax" talk while trying to manage labor pain at home as long as possible, and whizzing off to the hospital to deliver! Instead, we have been able to have a nice meal out together last night, spend some time getting the house cleaned and ready, have more focused time in prayer, install the car seat, do laundry, get a haircut, and just relax. I had THE best night of sleep in weeks last night, and I take that as a gift from God! I woke up this morning feeling so refreshed!! Oh yeah, I also got to use the parking space reserved for "expecting moms" for the first and last time yesterday. :)

I have been feeling emotional too, as I cannot believe in some ways that we are finally here. What a long journey it has been to get to this point with so many twists and turns. However, at the end, what I have seen and experienced is God's tremendous grace and outpouring of love and sustenance for us. My heart feels overwhelmed at times with gratefulness to Him. God has been so faithful to us, in many ways, it is difficult to describe in words and capture it all. I pray that we would remember His goodness and faithfulness to us as we begin the journey of being parents. We feel both the excitement and trepidation at becoming parents as we have never walked this road before. But, I want to remember that our God will guide us as we look to Him and trust in Him.

The name Elijah means, "The Lord is My God." This is our prayer for our little man, that he would know and experience that the Lord is his God, and that he would know how the Lord has been (and will continue to be) his parents' God forever.

I probably will post one last belly photo sometime today! Thanks friends for walking with us in this journey. We look forward to you meeting Elijah soon!

Week 39 Photo

One more week to go before my due date! I have been very fortunate to not have any of the aches and swellings that people experience during pregnancy, but I have them now. I had to officially take my wedding ring off last night because it felt too tight. Do I feel pregnant!! :)

Where did the time go?

I can't believe it! P has been back for a month already. The last month has gone by so quickly. Multiple visits with family and friends over the holidays have definitely made time fly by....

I can't believe that next Thursday is my due date! We will see whether baby Elijah comes on time, early, or late, but I can't believe we are almost there.... Someone at Trader Joe's said to me, "Well, this will be your last quiet holiday for you! Enjoy it!" Wow!!! It is unbelievable and feels somewhat surreal for me still... I have been having some contractions but they don't seem to last, so who knows when Elijah will show up. He's moving around a lot and I can't wait to see what his little personality will be like.

On Christmas morning, P and I went in to labor and delivery at Glendale Adventist to get our second non-stress test for the week. We asked if there were any Christmas babies and there were two. But, on Dec. 23, they had 20 deliveries!! Crazy! I hope Elijah comes when it is not so busy in the hospital so that he could (and I could) get all the help we might need. I plan on asking the nurses about everything from nursing to whatever that comes up in my mind.

I have been wondering at times, if for whatever reason the doctor decides we need to be induced, whether it is better to be induced with the possibility that I might end up with a c-section still, or whether it would be better to just go straight for the c-section.... Any thoughts? In my mind, the worst case scenario would be to be induced, go through a long labor, and then end up having to do a c-section anyway.... I don't want that scenario to become a reality for me, but I guess it is always a possibility. I just have to remember that it is not the most ideal situation, but many people have been through it and have come through it fine.

Slightly Underweight...

I went in for my weekly twice a week nonstress test with my peri and today he did an ultrasound to check baby Elijah's growth rate and to make sure that the amniotic fluid was at a good level. The nonstress tests have been coming out fine, which is great! However, he shared that Elijah is slightly under 10th percentile in terms of fetal measurement (Small for Gestational Age), but that overall, everything else looks fine. It is common with Single Umbilical Artery. He has not been growing as much or as quickly as they had expected. But, he seemed reassured that my placenta seems to be functioning normally. I'll get another ultrasound done next week to make sure that Elijah is doing well. He also shared that my ob/gyn might decide it would be better to deliver the baby sooner than later. After my peri visit, I spoke with my ob/gyn and she said that because the doppler result came out fine, it would be better to wait and see what the result is from next Monday's ultrasound. She said that I will be monitored carefully so to not worry. So, I will be going in on Christmas day to labor and delivery to get my second nonstress test for the week because they want to make sure he is being monitored regularly. I am thankful to be in good hands and to have close monitoring.

Week 37 Photo

Paul and I took this photo at a friend's wedding today.

Things I never did but I do now that I'm pregnant...

• Snore! Yes, it's kind of embarrasing to admit it, but it is true. When Paul shared with me that I've been snoring at night, I didn't believe him. Then, I woke myself up a couple of times with my loud snores. I was even startled by it!! It happened even this afternoon while I was taking a nap... I never snored...okay, maybe not never, but I never consistently snored, but I do now that I am pregnant. Why? I don't know...I haven't googled to figure it out...
  
• Crave sweets: For those of you who know me well, I always have said that if I have room for dessert, I would prefer to eat another meal. Well, that logic has been replaced by the urge to eat chocolate, ice-cream, Starbucks coffee (crazy!), and brownies. My husband is a happy camper.
• Avoid Korean food, especially kimchee: Each time I go into Hankook Market in Glendale, I literally feel sick and I try to get out of there as fast a possible...I cannot touch, smell, or eat kimchee. The pungent smell is too unbearable! I know it is hard to believe, but it can happen to the best of Koreans who once were loyal to all that Korean food had to offer. I feel like my smell, taste buds, and digestive system have been taken over by an alien.
• I prefer bread over rice, cheese over kimchee, and chicken noodle soup over ramen. I have been replaced by some other being...
  
• Sleep on my left side with a body pillow: I like to sleep on my right side or on my back, but I have been trained to sleep on my left side.... it is not that bad anymore, but it took a while to get used to!
• Get up in the middle of the night to get a snack--usually string cheese!
• Have a glass of water next to bed for a drink throughout the night

We will see whether these new habits continue even after the birth or they stop for good! ;)

Trying to Prepare for Elijah's Arrival

It has been great to be back together with P. He has been wonderful in taking care of me, from cooking to cleaning to keeping me company. He also finished the book on marriage that I had read and wanted him to read in an effort to help us prepare for the biggest transition together and we had some time to discuss it. More than anything, being together allows us to be in partnership and more often than not, we enjoy partnering together. It will be interesting to see how well we partner in this new adventure, but we both feel deeply commited to each other, our marriage, and working hard to partner well. In our desire to prepare for labor and delivery, we watched a Lamaze video which had some helpful information, like a segment of the actual birthing of a baby! But, P also felt like it was kind of counter-intuitive as so much of the method is focused on keeping yourself distracted by practicing the breathing techniques so that you don't focus on the pain. I'm not sure how one can remember all the breathing methods when you are in so much pain! So we went to the library to see if we could find some information on the Bradley Method. We have only vaguely heard about it. Although we found a book written by Dr. Bradley himself, as we read further, P and I both felt that it was poorly written and his arguments not very convincing. I didn't feel like he had a strong argument for why natural childbirth is better. At this point, I do not feel as though I have a strong opinion about doing natural birth or medicated birth (epidural), and I'm not sure I am necessarily interested in forming a strong opinion on one or the other. What I want to do is to try to go as long as I can through the first stage of labor at home with P's help before going into the hospital. We will see whether that happens, but P is really motivated to partner in the labor process so that we can do that. We found a book that we felt was more practical with helpful tips about how to help me to relax while in labor called Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way. The focus is not about distracting oneself, but figuring out ways to relax so that I can be fully engaged. I have no idea how we will do when the time comes, but I think we are going to learn how to work together so that I can relax!

I can't believe I am almost at full term! Two more days until I reach week 37. I have been feeling great. I don't know whether I am experiencing what is often referred to as the "nesting instinct" where you get a burst of energy and feel like you can do a lot, but I feel less tired and more energetic than the beginning of the third trimester. I have been going in to see my perinatologist twice a week starting two weeks ago for fetal non-stress test just to make sure everything is okay. It was confirmed that I have "single umbilical artery" so I think they're just being cautious. I don't mind the extra monitoring.

I am hoping that baby Elijah arrives by the due date, but we will have to wait and see when he decides to make his grand entrance into the world! My doctor thinks he will be a January baby because my cervix is "closed very tightly". So, who knows, maybe he will come later than Jan. 8? I hope that is not the case, but I have very little control over that! It is surreal to think that my life as I have known it will never be the same!!

Happpenings...

• P is coming back to the States on Nov. 26!! I've started the count down. I can't wait until he gets here. He'll be returning as I start week 35.... we don't have very much time to ourselves before Elijah arrives. We're trying to gear up for what will be the biggest transition together as much as we can from distance, but it will be nice to do so in person! My college friend Anne gave me a book titled, "Transition to Parenthood," which talks about how your first child affects your marriage. It's been an interesting read and I'm looking forward to discussing it more in depth with P when he gets back.
  
• I checked myself in at Labor and Delivery on Wed. late afternoon because I was experiencing cramping, nausea, diarrhea, and a lot of pelvic pressure. I called the doctor and she told me to drink lots of fluid and lie down. I did that and I felt a bit better so I got up and did grocery shopping (probably not the smartest thing to do in retrospect). But, I started feeling badly again, so I thought since I was out, I should just go and get myself checked, just in case. It's kind of difficult to know what is exactly happening, what is normal, not normal, etc. since I've never experienced pregnancy before. I went on line to read more about how to figure out whether you're experiencing contraction or not because I realized that I just had no idea. My friends have described the sensation as tightening of the uterus like a ball, but I always just assumed it was tight because the kid is moving and his butt is sticking out! (Although his butt must be pretty huge if that theory was true!! hahaha!!) Anyway, now, I know what a relaxed uterus feels like and what a contracting uterus feels like. :) So, I checked myself in, they monitored me and the baby (who was doing great), gave me some IV, and drugs to relax my uterus. I guess I was experiencing "uterine irritability" and they wanted to see if it would relax after some time. It did, so I came back home. Yesterday, as I was driving, I experienced strong pelvic pressure again and I was assessing every few seconds whether I think I could continue driving or whether I should get off the road. I decided that at the end, I could make it home. I turned the AC on as cold as possible (because I started sweating profusely), talked to myself loudly (just to keep my mine alert), and got home. I fell asleep for a couple of hours... I guess I was just exhausted.
  
• I have decided that even though I think I have slowed down significantly, I really need to take it easy. Everyday since Monday, I would experience sudden light-headedness and the feeling that I am gonna pass out. It comes unexpectantly and honestly, I've been freaked out by it at times. So, these days, I always carry my cellphone, even when I go to the bathroom, just in case... I know it is due to my low blood pressure. One thing I am having to get used to is getting up slowly.... I literally have to talk to myself, "get up slowly" because I am not used to it. I've also stocked up the fridge with small bottles of apple juice and some snacks for quick sugar hike if I need it. This is all new so I'm learning to adjust.
  
• P has been training our part time house-help in India better than I could ever have done! He has taught her how to bake bread, make pizza that actually tastes like pizza, and how to clean really well. The domestic area is not my strong suit, so I'm glad that P is there to really train her well. :) He even baked chocolate cake and shared it with the office staff back in India, who were all very impressed, of course! I think he's gonna take more of this role when we go back?! :) We'll see. I'm just thankful that I have a husband who is really flexible with division of labor and who can take care of things like that but doesn't put any pressure on me to be the Ms. Betty Crocker. I really do feel blessed.

Week 30 Update - Clearance!

Today, I went to see a perinatologist as recommended by my Ob/Gyn for a thorough ultrasound. She wanted to make sure the pregnancy was progressing well and to check on my placenta. The perinatologist shared with me that Elijah is doing well. He showed no abnormalities and he was his usual jolly, active self. The peri also shared great news that my placenta has completely moved away from my cervix! It is not even marginally near the cervix and he said that I can go for a normal delivery. Yeah!!! I am so grateful that the placenta has moved. However, I decided that emotionally I am not going to tell myself, "I have to have a vaginal birth no matter what," because I have heard of too many stories where people were so set on one specific birth experience and were really disappointed when they had to get a c-section. I think I'm just going to leave myself open to all possibilities at this point. The main thing for me is a healthy baby and a healthy mom.

However, the perinatologist also shared that I "might" have what is called Single Umbilical Artery. (I say I "might" because Elijah was moving around so much that he said it was hard to get a clear picture, but with the shots he had, it appeared that I only had one artery.) I learned that a normal umbilical cord has two arteries and one vein. In my case, I have only one artery and one vein. (If you want more info you can read, http://www.mommyguide.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=49&mode=thread&order=0&thold=0 ) However, he shared that he's not too concerned as the baby seems to be doing great. His growth is on target weighing 3 pounds and something ounces and so far no abnormalities can be seen. However, just to make sure that everything is progressing as it should, he wanted me to come in again in 4 weeks for another thorough ultrasound. If there is evidence of fetal distress or inter-uterine growth restriction, they would want to know and be prepared. I am not worried, but I am praying that he gets all the necessary nutrients he needs to continue growing in the oven!

At my Ob/Gyn's office, I learned that all my blood test came back with great results--no anemia and no gestational diabetes. I gained only 1 pound more since my last appointment which totals 16 pounds so far. I have heard that your weight gain starts to taper down during third trimester. I have to admit that it has been harder to eat (and sometimes keep food down) because of my expanding uterus. My system loves tofu and bland food. :) I can't believe I am in week 30!! We will see when Elijah arrives, but my intuition says he will arrive before January 8, which is his due date. I can't wait to meet the little guy who seems to have so much energy!

Some Fun Photos

Two weeks ago, my brother and sister-in-law who are also expecting a baby boy a few weeks after me, came for a visit. Here's a photo of the cousins meeting for the first time belly to belly. Last week, I visited with my sister and her family up north. It was a lot of fun, although the three kiddos got sick and eventually got their auntie sick too. I loved their superhero costumes! Look at the expressions on their faces!! I am also including two photos of my growing belly below. The one with the pumpkin is at week 29. The other one is at week 30, which I am in now. If you click on the link to my "belly flation" you will definitely see a huge progression on the size of my belly.

It's getting more real!

This past Sunday after church, I had my first hospital tour. I went to Glendale Adventist to get a tour of their maternity ward in preparation for what is to come. It was informative and I enjoyed meeting a couple of the nurses and having an opportunity to ask questions. Of course, I wished P was there with me, especially since I was the only one without the significant other there. :( Maybe God felt sorry for me too and decided to let me know that He's with me by having me win the raffle drawing! (j/k! hahaha) I won a nice basket with a book, a can of formula, an onezie, a receiving blanket, a rubber duckie, a stuffed animal duck, a pacifier, a bottle, and snacks for the mom to be! :) Tonight, I went to Huntington Memorial's tour just so that I had something else to compare and I have decided that I like Glendale better. The NICU in Huntington is better equipped, but I think if our baby came prematurely (which I am praying that he will make it to week 36) Glendale's NICU should be more than sufficient to handle it. At the end, I like the fact that Glendale is smaller as a hospital than Huntington, and I loved their rooms. They get lots of natural light and they are big. I also liked the philosophy at Glendale where they try to keep you and the baby together as much as possible, even with a c-section (since I will most likely have to do a c-section). I had thought that after a c-section, I won't get to see the baby for a couple of hours, but I learned that at least at Glendale, unless necessary, the baby will not be taken out of the surgery room but all his prep would be done there and that probably within 30 minutes, I can begin to try nursing him, if I want. I think I prefer that....

My brother and sister-in-law also visited me today. I will become an aunt to another nephew in late January! Elijah will have a cousin who is close to his age. Although poor Mila (my only niece)...she will be surrounded by testosterone for a while (4 boys total). ;) They brought a few items that some people had donated, like a pack and play, a collapsible high chair, and a bag from my sister filled with clothes, blankets, and burp cloths, along with a baby car seat. My sister-in-law also brought a cute little newborn outfit as a gift, which I think will make a perfect return home outfit for Elijah. I haven't bought anything for Eli knowing that he will have plenty of hand-me-downs from his cousins. Anyway, going through the stuff brought back memories of my nephews as infants....they were so small.... how quickly they grow! I organized a few things that I thought might be useful right away like burp cloths, receiving blankets, and some clothes, but the rest, I shoved them all back in the bag. I'll have to reorganize some time. I have heard about pregnant women having the "nesting" instinct. Since I know that this place is only temporary, I haven't really felt any urge to "nest," but actually touching some baby items and doing the hospital tour have definitely brought the reality of Elijah's soon to be arrival to a new level. At one point today, I thought, "Oh my gosh!! I'm gonna be a mom!!" :) I am really excited and happy!

My next to-do: I decided that I want to take a breast feeding class and a CPR class for preparation. I'm not going to do a birthing class like the Lamaaz because without P, I'm not sure how helpful it will be and I think it will be a little weird to go on my own.

Almost Week 28!

Since I have been back in the States, I feel like my pregnant belly has grown significantly!! I definitely look pregnant and the little pouch has become like a soccer ball (although low carrying). I was looking at myself in the mirror the other day and it is true, I definitely have no waist. I am not used to seeing myself without a waist, so it is taking a bit of getting used to seeing my shape much like a square (not that I had much of a curve before!) with a tummy. I had Daya take a photo of me in my maternity clothes to take it back to India so that P can see how much my belly has grown. The other Sunday, I squatted to say hello to a child and I noticed it was hard to get up from that position! hahaha

I had a doctor's appointment on Monday. My placenta has not moved and it is still covering my "os" and I have the same restrictions that I've known since week 20. She asked me if I got all these tests done and I hadn't. So, I have some tests that I need to take. She also referred me to see a perinatologist to get a thorough ultrasound done. I feel like I am in good hands. I am mentally preparing for a c-section at week 37 or 38 or a vaginal birth (in case the placenta does move).

I have been taking it easy as I feel the need for it. I have been noticing that I get tired a lot more easily. I need at least a day to recover from the previous day's activities if it was a full day. I know when I am really tired when even going on the computer feels exhausting! So, I've been scheduling in days to rest and to take regular naps.

P and I are pretty certain that we will be naming our son Elijah Paul Graf ("Eli"). We have started calling him Elijah and it's been fun to call our son by name. I really like the meaning of the name which means, "The Lord is My God." It is our prayer that our baby boy would know and experience the Lord as his God from early on. Elijah has been able to hear his daddy's voice everyday as we talk over skype or on the speaker phone. I have been wondering what he will be like.... I can't wait to meet him. It's getting closer!

Catching Up on Blogging...

Tomorrow, we are moving into a new flat in N'pal for the duration of our stay here. The British couple from whom we have been renting the place is coming back so we need to move out. I haven't seen the inside of our new home for the next two and a half weeks, but I heard that the bathroom is inside, for which I am really happy about! :) It also means that we probably won't have internet access (although we might), so I am catching up on blogging.

This past week, I realized when sending out our monthly update that our friends who are on the monthly yahoogroups list did not receive June/July issue as we typed in the wrong yahoogroups address. It was the issue with our big announcement about our pregnancy and I really wanted people to hear it from us, and not others. It was unfortunate that it happened the way it did...

The baby is moving around so much and the movements are getting stronger and stronger. Furthermore, I think I am finally starting to look pregnant. Our land lady who lives below has been carefully monitoring my tummy and she said to me the other day, "You are showing just a little." I got lazy and forgot to take a photo of week 21, but I'll make sure to take one later today or tomorrow for week 22. P loves to tell me that I am fat! Oh yeah, I got myself a stretchable bottom and two fairly baggy t-shirts as my pants don't fit anymore. When I travel, I like to travel as a "westerner," meaning, wearing western clothes. So, in preparation for our upcoming travel back to India, I made my first "maternity" purchase, although you can wear them not as maternity too. ;)

It's been really interesting to keep abreast of the U.S. election process from here. In some ways, I feel like I have been able to appreciate the process more having lived abroad in unstable regions. It's been nice to have a T.V. too and get the latest analysis from CNN and BBC.

I have no new update on placenta previa. I have no idea what is happening in there and we won't know until we go in for a check-up when we're in Thailand. I've had a couple of people ask how I feel about it. My feelings haven't changed much from two weeks ago. I won't know what my next steps are until I get a check up again and worrying about it isn't going to change anything... I've been getting some good additional information from the States thanks to friends. I'm just gathering info so that P and I can make a good decision together, if needed.

I was sharing with P that it is incredible to feel our baby moving inside. When I was in the thick of morning/evening sickness, I wondered, I don't know if I can/want to do this again... this is horrible. But, now that I am feeling better and I can feel our baby having fun in the oven, I feel like the vomiting and all was so worth it. I was telling P that I feel a little sad thinking that this may be our one and only child. Nevertheless, we are so grateful for our baby Graf! We think we have narrowed down on a girl and boy name.... you just have to wait, sorry! ;)

I love it when P feels the baby move and he says, "Whoaa... that one was an earthquake!" Our baby also seems to be on a schedule in terms of his/her activity level... The Ken/Barbie doll (baby's current size) is really active in the morning, falls asleep maybe 15 minutes before I leave for class, wakes up at noon, takes a nap in the afternoon (time varies), and is active for a few hours before I fall asleep. I've been kind of keeping an eye on the clock to see if I can see a pattern, and I totally can. Of course, s/he has sluggish days, but I wonder if our baby is going to be a morning kiddo, just like his/her parents!

I have also started doing "worship time with mommy" with baby Graf. When I spend some time singing praise music, I put one of the headset on to my tummy, while I listen with the other and spend some time singing to God. I have no idea whether the baby can hear it but I thought, "Why not. S/he can be part of it." Sometimes s/he would be kicking up a storm and as soon as the music begins, s/he quiets down, as if s/he is listening.... I enjoy this time together. ;)

Parallels between Pregnancy and the Kingdom of God

As I was spending some time with Jesus the other day, I was reminded that probably my most significant spiritual lessons have come from dealing with infertility. It really challenged me in multiple levels, but in particular it brought to surface my deeply ingrained view about how God "should" work or how I think He works, and in many ways my self-perception as being in control. But, it is through struggling through this particular issue of infertility that God brought to surface many of my sin, misconceptions, and in many ways destroying my illusion that I am in control. I remember someone describing me as "a person who knows what she wants and knows how to get it." The truth is, for most things in my life, if I decided that is what I wanted, I worked to achieve it. But, infertility-- now that was a whole new ball game. I could not get my body to do what many people easily seemed to achieve. For the next seven years, I learned through infertility that I am not in control but God is, especially when it comes to conceiving a new life. There were some really difficult moments, times of depression and hopelessness, but I met God in so many profound ways. For that, I am really grateful. I'm not sure if I could have learned some important lessons and truths about God, myself, humanity, and suffering had I not gone through it.

Now, that I am pregnant with our first baby, I feel as though I have been drawn even more deeply into the mystery of God. God is mysterious. For my daily Bible reading, I read through the book of Job the last couple of weeks and it provided me with more opportunities to consider God and His mysterious ways. And, when I reflect on this characteristic of God, I find myself kneeling before Him in humility. I find myself both in awe and in fear as I become aware that He is God and I am a creature. As I watch my belly starting to grow and as I feel the movement of the baby getting stronger and stronger, I find myself intrigued by this mysterious happening going inside me, invisible to my eyes. Something mysterious, wonderful, fearful, exciting, and marvelous is happening deep inside my womb, but the whole internal process is only visible to the eyes of God. What I experience, feel, and see are only small external signs of what is happening in the inside. This mysterious yet marvelous process absolutely amazes me and I see a new level of understanding of the fact that God alone can create life and that my life (and everyone else's) is in His hand.

I was sharing with P the other day how I feel like pregnancy (conception) can be paralleled to the Kingdom of God as described in Mark 4:23-32. I love these two parables about the Kingdom of God. One is the parable about a man who scatters seed on the ground, he sleeps and rises night and day, and the seed sprouts and grows. But he does not know how. The earth produces by itself in its different stages of growth and it becomes ripe, ready for the harvest. The other parable is of the mustard seed. In the same way, pregnancy feels that way to me. We see external signs of growth (or perhaps the lack thereof, which might be an indication that some thing is wrong), but how the growth happens, it is a mysterious process. I do what I can on my end by eating healthy food regularly, getting rest, and getting regular prenatal check-up, but at the end, the baby grows without my intimate knowledge of its most intricate process.

In the same way, I have been thinking about how there is an element of mystery in the Kingdom of God, how it grows, and what it becomes. We may see some external signs, but how it all happens, if we are honest, we have to admit that it is a mystery to us. We can do our part, but the growth God gives. There is definitely an element of us realizing that we are His workers, not the creator. When the time is ripe, it is time for harvest.

In the past, I think God's mysterious ways were more frustrating (and sometimes it still can feel that way for me) than worship producing. But I also feel as though I am experiencing a new level of understanding of God in His mystery which leads me to view myself rightly as His creature. It leads me to worship Him as the One who is so intimately loving and close, yet who is completely separate from me and not bound by me. He is God.

The Kick that Made My Day

Yesterday, I skipped class because I was feeling really tired. Perhaps our little Graf was also feeling tired too, but s/he was not as active as usual, although once in a while I would get a punch. So, as I was lying in bed getting ready to go to sleep, I said to the little one, "Hey, what are you doing in there? You've been unusually quiet today. Can you let mommy know that you're doing alright in there?" Literally a second or two later, I got a nice big kick (maybe a punch) letting me know that all is dandy. It made my day!

Today, s/he is back to her/his good old self again moving around and having fun in the oven!